Shit Christmas Presents That Are Actually Great
The Debrief: Perhaps these lazy gifters know you better than you thought?
So, in depressing news of the day, it turns out that 2 million Starbucks gift cards in the US alone are purchased on New Years Eve, because apparently nothing says ‘I love you’ like ‘have a Caramel Macchiato on me because I forgot to buy you anything else’.
But hang on just one darn minute here, is a Starbucks Gift Card really all that lazy a present though? If your first week back at work in January consists of five mornings where you get a FREE coffee on your way to work, isn’t that actually better than a nice necklace that goes green in five minutes? Maybe instead of being lazy, your gifter was actually being a lot more thoughtful than you previously imagined.
Here's a few more Christmas presents usually considered to be rubbish that might actually be better than you thought.
1. Christmas Gifts: Socks
Today marks a solid week where each morning I’ve pulled out a pair of socks only to find a massive gaping hole in one of them. Obviously, running late as I am, finding another pair is absolutely not an option and so I risk frostbite and/or unwelcome blisters every day like the absolute trooper that I am. In that vein, a nice actual pair of intact socks would actually, probably be something of a delight.
2. Christmas Gifts: A Homemade Jumper
Sure it’s scratchy and terribly unfashionable but, do you know how long it takes to KNIT a jumper? Obviously your nan’s like pro knitter woman but we’re still talking a couple of days here. How long did it take for you to walk into Crabtree and Evelyn and pick up a hand lotion; five minutes? In a time where your best friends can’t even be bothered to respond to your Facebook messages, be glad there’s someone out there who’ll still set aside a bit of time for little old you.
3. Christmas Gifts: Booze
I mean, always welcome but smacks of laziness. That is, unless the giver knows you so well that they’ve taken into account the soon-to-happen disaster that is it being 3AM at your house when all the shops are closed and your glasses (mugs, let’s be real here) are running dry. That forgotten about Christmas gift booze will provide just the ticket to continuing on until an ill-advised 6AM. Thanks Auntie Jean!
4. Christmas Gifts: Bath Products
I mean it is SO boring, especially if it’s in one of those naff Boots gift sets that’s Downton Abbey themed or something but ever since you left home and stopped being able to sneak toiletries into the shopping trolley as your wondered around Sainsburys with your mum, you’ve come to appreciate how much a well-run bath actually costs. As a result you can’t remember the last time you had a bath, let alone one that was run with any other bubble maker than your housemate's Lynx shower gel. Rejoice in the opportunity to not smell like a boy.
5. Christmas Gifts: Stationery
Obviously it's 2014 and no-one's used a pen since 1954 thanks to all the tablets, laptops and iPhones in our midst so instead of being insulted by a pen and paper set, take it as a compliment that the giver thinks you've got it in you to go against the grain of technology and revert to actually writing things down. It's basically their way of saying you're a hipster, which a sort of a compliment right?
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating