Return Of Kings: Everything You Need To Know About The Anti-Feminist Group
The Debrief: No it's nothing to do with The Lord of the Rings Unfortunately...
Who are Return of Kings?
It is a website run for and by men’s rights activists who abhor political correctness and believe that modern Western society does not prize masculinity. In their own words: 'Return Of Kings is a blog for heterosexual, masculine men. It’s meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.”
Who runs Return of Kings?
It is published by pick-up artist, author and public speaker Roosh V – real name Daryush Valizadeh. You might remember him from such news stories as people signing a petition to Theresa May to ban him from entering the UK on his abortive 2016 world tour, and the troupe of female boxers in Canada who threatened to crash his meet-up in Toronto.
Return of Kings is edited by Winston Smith. This is presumably not his real name, as it’s also the name of the protagonist in George Orwell’s 1984. Whether or not it is a wry nom-de-plume, Smith’s bylines for Return of Kings include 5 Reasons You Should Never Date A Girl With Dyed Hair. The logic is that it’s a major 'slut tell,' and Smith adds: 'based on my extensive experience, a girl having hair dyed with a non-traditional color is a leading indicator of instability, mental illness, and an inability to function within a healthy relationship.'
Is Return of Kings satire?
I mean, it sort of could be, right? It sounds like it could be satire – the heavy-handed pen names and extreme views. While it might not be written as well as, say, A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift there’s always the chance that this could be an example of Poe’s Law, which states that irony is difficult to detect online unless there are clear indicators such as smilies .
One author, named Harry, has a bio that suggests he is on speaking terms with irony, but it’s difficult to know how many times it goes from sincere to satire. It reads: 'Harry is a bitter, angry, misogynist with a small penis and highly insecure infatuation with contact sports. Refusing to man up and contribute positively to society, Harry travels the world taking advantage of poor, third world women while he swindles innocent businessmen in the boardrooms of numerous developing countries. Outright intimidated by sassy, intelligent, super awesome modern women, Harry is an ignorant bigot of epic proportions that mortifies the cultural sensibilities of any typical progressive westerner. He likes to share his views with complete strangers as he comes to terms with the constant shame he feels. Deep down he really just wants someone to actually like him.'
However, Return of Kings readers don’t seem like they are reading the site in the spirit of satire. Replies on Twitter show that some believe it is 'bought time' (sic) that gyms were male-only, and 'the wonderful thing about history it repeats itself soon men will b fed up &deal with the feminist.'
So, the jury’s out.
Return of Kings beliefs
Helpfully, the group has a charter of beliefs hammered into the noticeboard of their digital town square. Not that it’s a town that you’d want to visit if you had a vagina, as women and gay people are 'strongly discouraged from posting here.'
There are seven core beliefs, including that 'men and women are genetically different, both physically and mentally' and 'woman’s value significantly depends on her fertility and beauty. A man’s value significantly depends on his resources, intellect, and character.'
There’s a lot of 'red pill wisdom' on the site. For readers unfamiliar with the term, 'red pill men' are ones who 'recognise' the 'true nature' of women and are committed to 'adapting to the reality of female behaviour.'
Return of Kings quotes
'Quality' men often get 'locked' into relationships because women either properly maintain or do not properly maintain jars of jellybeans: 'The short version of it is this: every girl is represented by a jellybean jar. Every time she does something positive, she puts a jellybean into the jar. Every time she nags, flakes, denies sex, throws a tantrum, or other misbehavior, she is taking multiple jellybeans out of the jar. Most women will add and subtract so that it roughly evens out over time. The best move, however, is to add so many jellybeans that when she takes it away by withdrawing from the relationship, the man has no choice but to consider commitment because of the value she has brought to his life.” Read the full analogy here:
Advice for how to act at work: 'DON’T ever speak to a fat chick at work unless she’s over the age of 40 and married. Single fat chicks are wired differently, and I still haven’t figured out what the hell is going on in their minds. They hate men, they hate their skinny chick coworkers, they hate other fat chicks, and they hate themselves.'
Words of wisdom for pretty, young women: 'If you are young and attractive, every man who smiles as he passes you on the street is thinking one thing: “I want to fuck that girl.” We do not smile out of kindness, not in the way we would smile at a puppy or a little kid. As you walk by, raw sexual images are what we envision.'
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating