Reasons To Be A Miserable Bastard On International Happiness Day
The Debrief: Fight back against the unrealistic expectations today is putting on our emotions
Hey guys, welcome to International Happiness Day; the day that started off with a damp squid of a meteorlogical phenomenon and will probably end with you knee deep in white wine spritzers and a box of fried chicken; proof if needed that, just because the internet says you have to feel something, doesn’t mean you’re going to.
So, because we’re a nation of miserable bastards, and that’s something we pride ourselves on thank you very much, here’s a few reasons why you should fight the unrealistic expecatations put on you by this the supposed most happy day of the entire year.
It’s also National Proposal Day
And if your Facebook feed needs one more thing in it’s miserable life it’s selfies of people you used to know grinning like idiots while she flashes a mediocre ring and he arranges his face into a perfect depiction of smugness.
Cats like this are allowed to walk around in civilised society
See also: dolphins like this
This is just one of many tweets
There’s still 279 days until Christmas
Which means 279 days until you can legitimately expect to get another bottle of your favourite perfrume and you’ll be damned if you’re going to shell out a cool £50 on something so frivolous in the months between then and now.
You will almost definitely have a sexual experience again in your life that’s worse than this
Pharrell’s Happy is going to be on everywhere today
Just a quick FYI; Happy was actually released in 2013 and yet still experiences the same level of radio play as something that came out last week. You know what else came out in 2013? Musical masterpieces such as Jason Derulo Talk Dirty, Katy Perry Roar and Taylor Swift I Knew You Were Trouble. None of which we have heard in at least two weeks.
You’ll never have as much fun as these two guys
Mr T has got a new DIY show called I Pity The Tool
And no-one thought to come up with this before.
This cat is better dressed than you ever will be
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
'Phat' And More Words You Can Help Reintroduce To Popular Parlance
Sun's Out, Guns Out. How Not To Be A Spring Dick Now Winter's Finally, Almost Done
Ways To Cope If Your Wardrobe Is Split Between Two Houses
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating