Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Friday, 13 February 2015

Real Men Know Their Parents' Address And Other Ridiculous Man-Defining Characteristics

The Debrief: Also, REAL men know when a woman says she's 'fine', that she's not. Thanks chick flicks!

This Valentine’s weekend, how about you take some time out to have a long hard think about whether your boyfriend is a ‘real’ man? Because there's no point dating a guy unless him masculinity is in tip top condition right?

How to determine the level of 'real' man in him though? Well luckily, William Hill have done a handy survey and come up with the definitive list on what real men should know.

The survey, which asked for the thoughts of 2000 people is erm, disappointing, to put it mildly, and includes things like knowing that 'when a woman says “she’s fine” , she’s not fine' and ‘who the favourites are to win the Premier League’.

Come on 2000 people surveyed – you’re better than this. Like, does it really matter whether he knows the words to the national anthem? We all learned the words in primary school. And if that’s the case, the strength of his masculinity all comes down to the effectiveness of his Year 4 teacher.

More frustrating though, is the one that says men should know that when a woman says ‘Do what you want’, do not do what you want. Grrr, women amiright? Always trying to control their menfolk. How about, a real  man knows that if a woman says ‘do what you want’ they mean it. Within reason of course. We probably wouldn’t be happy if he headed off to a sex palace for midgets or anything but hey, if that’s what he wants to do, the relationship’s probably doomed anyway.

Anyways here's our list of what real men should know...

Girls poo too!

Also, if they could find a cool non-embarassing way to let us know that, that would be awesome.

Cat-calling makes them look silly and us feel like shit

And that no incidence of catcalling has ever ended in a sexual encounter.

How to cook one thing, even if it’s beans on toast, bloody well

Because we're impressed with pretty much any food.

Being well versed in at least three ‘intelligent’ television series (Sopranos, True Detective etc)

So they can jump in when we run out of things to say to the people we're at the pub with friends.

Being able to laugh at a disasterous sexual encounter

Queefing? Hilarious. Limp willy, couldn't care less.

Managing to pay rent, even if it’s sometimes late

Hey, let's face it. Having a job and a roof over their head is an achievement in itself. However they're muddling through, as long as they're managing it; more power to them.

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