Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Monday, 9 February 2015

New Study Says Your Legs Look Like One Of Five Vegetables. Thanks, Study.

The Debrief: Off the back of this research, we've also found that everyone's hair looks like different types of mushroom! And wait - do you have banana arms?

According to The MailOnline, there's a new addition to the 'apple' and 'pear' shapes - and it involves your lower leg. Yep, a study by over-50 clothing store JD Williams - aiming to help women find the right boot shape for their legs - has announced that our calves fall into one of five vegetable-like shapes. The sweet potato (when your ankle is the same width as your calf), the parsnip (when you have slim ankles and full calves), the carrot (when both your ankle and your calf are really skinny), the marrow (when you've got a big calf) and the aubergine (defined and muscular). Anyone else up for a salad right now? 

While this is masquerading as a helpful guide for ensuring your boots aren't too tight, cutting off blood flow, it just serves to make us all go to the mirror and look at our calves. Then worry that we're a sweet potato. And wish we were a carrot. Or an aubergine. And there are more important things to worry about, such as the fact that you might have banana arms or mushroom hair. 

Yep, that's right, there's a whole range of fruits, vegetables, and foodstuffs you resemble that you've probably never noticed. Thankfully, we've rounded them up into one easy-to-use guide next time you're looking in the mirror and need something else to feel insecure about. Woohoo!

Foot types

Think feet are all pretty much the same? Think again, moron! 

The ham: flat and pink, but sturdy. 

The bacon: long, skinny and smelling of bacon. 

The clam: hard, rounded, and opens with difficulty.

Hair types 

Did you know that all hair fits into one of three different mushroom categories? Well it's true! Which one are you? 

The mushroom: a sort of bowl cut that doesn't sit flat to the head, but instead acts as a sort of hairy halo. 

The mushroom cloud: named after nuclear explosions, this hair style closely resembles a nuclear explosion. 

The toadstool: A bob. 

Arm types 

We've all got different arms, and some of us even have two of them. But what long thing does your arm look like? 

The noodle: long, thin and boneless 

The chicken wing: short, sturdy, muscular and a chicken. 

The banana: try as you might, you can never straighten your arm without it bending in the middle! It's also yellow. 

The satsuma: go to a doctor immediately. 

Hopefully that little guide will help you when buying shoes, hats and very long gloves. And remember: when a study tells you that a part of your body resembles a sweet potato, completely 100% believe in the validity of what they're saying. Otherwise you'll never be able to go clothes shopping again. 

Like this? You might also be interested in...

Science Says There's An Evolutionary Reason Why Your Boyfriend Doesn't Tidy Up. We Call Bullshit. 

Freaking Out About Smear Tests? We're Here To Allay Your Fears

We Asked A Common Cold Expert If Old Wives' Tales Are True

Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

Picture: Maurizio Di Iorio

Tags: Body worries