Diary Of An Uber Driver Blog Explains What It's Really Like Driving You Around
The Debrief: How bad are you to your taxi driver? Probably worse than you thought. Oops.
Ever wondered what your Uber driver thinks of you and your mates singing Mariah Carey out of open windows at 3am in the morning while he trundles across the city dropping each of you off at your various abodes? Nah. Course not. You’re too busy singing Mariah Carey, aren’t you?
Now though, one Uber driver in Sydney with a gift for writing has started recording his journeys on a new blog, ‘Diary of an Uber Driver’. The blog is anonymous (obvs), but the writer describes himself like this: ‘I drive you to your first dates, your best friend’s birthday parties and home from a night out on the town. I am your Uber Driver and these are your stories.’
This being Australia, some of the passengers are perhaps a little bit more erm, rambunctious than us (hopefully) but either way, the posts are very funny.
Here’s a few of our faves...
Described as wearing ‘a tight white T-shirt, jeans and a pair of those Tiger sneakers. You know the white ones with the black lines running across them. His black hair is slicked back with a generous amount of gel and he has an enormous diamond earing in his left ear.’ The driver picks him up in a suburb of Sydney that’s sketchy enough to give him ‘postcode paranoia’.
It doesn’t take very long into the journey for Marco to ask the driver if he’s ever injected cocaine up his arse. According to him, it is ‘THE BEST. SHIT. EVER.’
As Marco spills water all down himself, the driver worries whether or not Marco’s leaking cocaine ass juice onto his seats. Read the rest of the story here.
Holly was the driver’s first ever customer. Sadly, she was also devastated after being ditched in a pub by a guy she’d met on Tinder a week-and-a-half before.
‘“There aren’t any men out there at all you IDIOT!” she yelled suddenly, causing me to swerve slightly. She continued her tirade, “There are SOOOO many more women out there in the world. It’s a statistical certainty!” Holly now turned her head to face me. I looked over at her with my mouth slightly open. She turned her head to the side and it looked like I was sitting next to the girl from horror film The Ring.
“SO IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT YOU’RE UGLY AND HAVE A SMALL DICK, YOU’LL STILL HAVE WOMEN THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU! WON’T YOU!”’
Read the rest of the story here.
Ladies’ Day at the local rugby club sounds like quite the event, according to the blog. One event-goer that the driver picks up is a Brazillian called Alejandro.
‘Not many people can pull off the double-denim look, but Alejandro did with ease. A pair of aviators, not the classic style, but the kind with the wooden finish, sat upon his head of movie star quality brown hair. I thought boat shoes were out, but for today Alejandro had brought them back in.’
Alejandro is off to Ladies’ Day to find some ladies (he later leaves with two), but the best part is that his wife is all for it. ‘“My wife’s at home sick but she say gooooo Alejandro! Have fun baby!” Alejandro explained he is in a loving, open relationship, which often involves bringing home adventurous straight women to engage in night-long threesomes with him and his wife.’
What a charmer. Read the rest of the story here.
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
These Stories About Uber Might Make You Want To Think Twice About Travelling Alone
UberEATS, Uber’s Food Delivery Service, Is Officially Happening
26-Year-Old Woman Crowdfunds Her Expensive Uber On Her Birthday
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating