Lauren Bravo | Contributing Writer | Tuesday, 14 February 2017

29 Non-Shit Quotes About Love

29 Non-Shit Quotes About Love

The Debrief: Bollocks-free notes on romance, from real people rather than tea towels

Love is a many splendoured thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is– well, money, food, a working boiler, a good dentist, an equal society and a pair of boots that don’t let the rain in, but it’s Valentine’s Day so shhh your mouth and stop being such a killjoy. 

Imagine though, just for a minute, that we actually conducted relationships based on inspirational quotes. On Pinterest quotes, Instagram quotes, the quotes you find on wall canvases in terrible cafes and notebooks that somehow cost £30; it’d just be a world of people staring moonily at stars, vaulting airport security gates without the appropriate boarding pass, and standing in front of boys, asking them to please read Nicholas Sparks again and see if they cry this time. It’d be chaos.

Knowing deep down that a combined set text of Beatles lyrics, calligraphy memes and Captain Corelli’s Mandolin will only ever get us so far (probably a park bench in the rain, wearing a very white top), sometimes you need something more practical to inspire you. Because love might feel like coming home... if you don’t live in a five-people houseshare with mould in the tile grout. Love DOES mean having to say you’re sorry... except maybe for farting and even then only when you’ve done it in a well ventilated area. 

Love is patient, love is kind – but it’s also messy, ridiculous, inconvenient, funny and easily mistaken for the flu. And like that melt-in-the-middle chocolate fondant from the M&S Valentine’s meal deal, it’s usually best served with a pinch of salt.

So from soulmates to seduction to radical self-appreciation, here are the best non-shit notes on love to power you through Valentine’s Day. Guaranteed Richard Curtis-free.  

1. Mae West

The iconic, acerbic West might have been a millennial renter in London in another life.

2. Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou’s vision of love sounds like an eager labrador, and there’s nothing much lovelier than that. 

3. Aziz Ansari

The Master of None reminding us that before there was Netflix, lovers only had the stars. 

4. Nora Ephron

The first lady of rom-com may have given us false expectations of email, radio phone-ins and salt beef sandwiches, but she knew how to deliver a truth bomb too. 

5. Virginia Woolf

Because there’s the need for love and the need for a burrito, and who is to say which is better?  

6. Carl Jung

While Freud was busy making everything about sex, his old rival had a more romantic take on things.  

7. Maria Bamford

Comedian Maria Bamford, hitting on a new niche fetish for the gluten-free age. 

8. EM Forster

Forster’s novel of same-sex love in the early 20th century wasn’t published until after his death, but it had a beautiful message for anyone who’s ever felt trivial or bewildered in the romance game. Which is probably all of us.

9. Carrie Fisher

Suddenly we want to live in the People’s Republic of Carrie Fisher’s Love even more than Stoke Newington.

10. Charles M Schulz

Before we had Fleabag or Bridget Jones, there was Charlie Brown. The Peanuts gang may have been kids (and a beagle), but between them they knew enough about the ways of the heart to put most adults to shame.

11. Charles M Schulz, again

Write it on the back of your hand, in case you forget.

12. Amy Schumer

The inimitable Schumer, helping out everyone who can’t quite their finger on it. 

13. Toni Morrison

The Nobel Prize-winning author, turning the cliche upside down in her novel Jazz.

14. Lisa Simpson

The wisest Simpson there, with your go-to line for when that woman in your office gets a huge bouquet delivered. 

15. Nina Simone

Let’s listen to Nina and remember that sometimes the hardest part of love, like an all-you-can-eat buffet, is knowing when it’s time to walk away.

16. William Makepeace Thackeray

The Vanity Fair author, helpfully legitimising all those times you’ve fallen in love with an obnoxious heartbreaker, an unattainable dreamboat or the back of somebody’s head on the bus.  

17. Anais Nin

The groundbreaking diarist and erotic author, on why love isn’t really so different from your Ikea spider plant. 

18. Amy Winehouse

One for everyone who has ever known that in-love-with-the-world-today feeling. We still miss you, Amy.

19. Joan Crawford

Grand dame Joan Crawford, bringing a whole new meaning to the instruction ‘drop and roll’. 

20. Staceyann Chin

Is there any more powerful image to pick you up after a break-up than Staceyann Chin’s? 

21. Robert Graves

The poet’s take on love is more painful and beautiful than most. They don’t make a special Nurofen for it either. 

22. Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama’s marriage advice for young couples is about as real and gorgeous as you’d expect. 

23. Dorothy Parker

The peerless Ms Parker, with an alternative ‘roses are red, violets are blue’ to pop on your fridge.  

24. Gloria Steinem

Steinem at her finest, Steinemest, with a solid strategy to help whittle down your Tinder matches. 

25. Pearl Bailey

It’s mostly digital admin these days Pearl, but you’re still 100% right. 

26. Ellen Degeneres

Ellen there, raising the important question of where homophobia and owning a Lamborghini with a spoiler might cross over on a venn diagram. 

27. Zelda Fitzgerald

It might not be practical, but you can’t say Z-Fitz’s strategy wasn’t romantic as hell.  

28. George Bernard Shaw

Shaw called it before Elizabeth Gilbert did – a relationship with pizza is the purest love of all

And finally, a message from our Queen..

29. RuPaul

Can we get an amen?

Liked this? You might also be interested in: 

Non-Shit Motivational Quotes From Women Who Aren't Marilyn Monroe 

21 Motivational Break-Up Quotes You Need In Your Life 

7 Best Quotes From Absolutely Fabulous To Live Your Life By 

Follow Lauren on Twitter @laurenbravo


Tags: Valentines Day