10 Things That Have Definitely Happened On Your WhatsApp Girls Group
The Debrief: 67 messages after a meeting? Standard.
Remember when you had to text everyone separately to organise a night out, only for someone to change the time at the last minute and you had to text everyone again? Or you had some news, and you had to copy and paste it into eight messages. Or you’d get seven people texting you separately to ask how a first date had gone, and it was totally terrible and you had to say it over and over and over?
That was annoying, wasn’t it?
That’s why, most of the time, WhatsApp is the greatest thing you have on your phone (except for that photo of you with a really tiny puppy).
But it’s not all heart and rainbow emojis – being on a group WhatsApp (or eight) can be taxing and time-consuming… and is frankly terrible for your battery power. Here’s some things that have definitely happened to you on your group WhatsApp.
1. A friend has asked you what you’re wearing more than a week before your planned night out.
Being able to plan a night out with the flick of the finger is a gift we don’t want to be begrudging of. But the more you can easily organise, the greater the detail of organisation gets. Taxis can be booked, outfits can be planned and even booze orders put in actual weeks before a night out happens. And the bigger the event, the earlier the preparations begin.
2. You’ve gone ‘off group chat’ to talk to one friend about something another friend has said.
Don’t lie. You know you have.
3. You’ve done a ‘Tonight’ splinter group
You've used a Doodle and 6/8 of you can make Friday night. Brilliant. But you need to discuss the very intricate details of which Tottenham Court Road exit you'll meet at. And send messages on the day like 'The boss has just given me another assignment - may be late' and ‘Are you eating a big lunch, or do you think we’ll end up grabbing something?’ Or, even more pressing, 'The bus is STILL not here. Running three mins late'. But how not to piss off your other two mates? A splinter group titled 'Tonight' is the only way.
4. You’ve almost had a monumental fight because you’ve responded to one arm of conversation when someone thinks you’re commenting on another.
'Yeah' you innocently reply when you get to your phone and see Friend A has asked if you're free on Thursday. Only to scroll down and see at the same time Friend B has asked if it's ok that her douchebag of a f*ck buddy hadn't responded to her last eight texts. You've fallen into the ultimate WhatsApp pitfall - crossed wires. And you're probably gonna have to go into private chat to apologise. Or, at the very least, send an emoji of a monkey covering its eyes.
5. Someone’s claimed you didn’t tell them something, and you’ve scrolled back and screen grabbed the bit where you told them… and then sent it to them again.
'Thanks for the invite' says Friend A sarcastically when she sees an Instagram of you and B though F drinking on a Thursday night at a cocktail bar 300m from her house. Well, thank goodness for the scroll back, screengrab and paste. Boo yah. Read it and weep.
6. You’ve come out of a meeting or wifi blackhole to 67 messages.
It's happened to us all. And that's fine. In fact it's actually often quite amusing. And it's a relief you can legitimately say 'Just seen these!!' rather than join the debate on which of five nail varnishes match your friend's shoes for that night out (in three weeks).
Warning: Be graceful. Everyone hates that person who goes, '684 messages gals?! You lot have been busy! SOME of us have busy days at work'.
7. You've made a mistake. A terrible mistake.
'What’s the plan tomorrow' you write on the wrong group of rival friends. It's ok. You're juggling a lot of groups. And that thing where you swipe and it opens a different chat to the one you expected, it's annoying. Be careful with code names/secrets/grabbing and pasting people's Facebook pics of them looking hideous though. If you've experienced that sick feeling when you see something land in the wrong group is a feeling you never want others to feel.
8. You’ve scrolled to the left to check who’s read your message. And got fuming they’ve not replied.
‘I really thought Claire would bloody love that meme of Beyonce saying something relevant and hilarious about our lives,’ you think, as you drag your page to the left and realise she's read it, and so, in fact, have all your mates. Blue bloody ticks all round. And not a single soul had sent you a crying laugh emoji face, the bastards.
9. You’ve filled your phone with pictures
You've seen an absolutely hilarious dog and you need to take a picture and share it with the world. Annoyingly though, your whole camera is filled with screengrabs of whatsapps between your mate and her new boyfriend she sent you for analysing, fake tan disasters and dresses your friend didn't end up buying. You forgot to turn off the automatic save to camera reel. And you've got a five hour job deleting all those pics and not accidentally scrapping the cute animals/hot selfies/blackmail material you need to keep.
10. Your phone battery is dying all the time.
It’s ‘free’ to WhatsApp, sure. But the greatest cost is to your phone battery, which simply cannot take the pace of your back and forths about whether your friend should go on another date with that slightly weird guy or not. Be ready to be that person who has to ask the barman to charge your phone behind the bar – but ask for it back once every half hour… just to check if there are any messages.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating