The Lib Dems Are Out, UKIP Are Out, The Conservatives Are Very Much In
The Debrief: What is this dystopian world you’ve woken up to? Have the aliens swooped in yet, or have T-Rexes come to claim the last of the ballot boxes?
While you were sleeping, it’s all been kicking off.
Early exit polls estimated the Conservatives to have an electoral triumph. Surprising, given polls leading up to the election which put the Tories and Labour at neck and neck. With the accumulation of the Milifandom and the Liberal Democrats proclaiming that they would be the success story of the election, no one saw it coming. Especially not Lib Dem Paddy Ashdown, who proclaimed he would eat his hat if the polls were accurate.
We’re just asking Paddy that you start off munching the trilbys, they’re ugly. Stay away from any fedoras though.
As of recent, the Tories are still on course to be the largest party, with an estimated 316 seats- although 323 seats are required for an absolute majority. Labour are set for 239. The SNP have also done spectacularly well, securing all but one seat in Scotland. It’s a victory that has seen the Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy’s loss.
The night started off on a high note for women, as the first three MPs voted into parliament were female: Bridget Phillipson for Sunderland South, Julie Elliott for Sunderland Central and Sharon Hodgson for Washing and Sunderland West. Honestly, we could have just stopped right there and formed a government there and then.
However, last night was absolute carnage for the Lib Dems, who’ve seen their public support crumble throughout the early hours. It’s expected they’ll retain just 10 seats now that prominent figures such as Vince Cable, Danny Alexander and Lynne Featherstone have all lost out. Nick Clegg has only just held onto his seat in Sheffield Hallam.
There were some embarrassing wipeouts across the UK: the Conservatives received only 84 votes in West Belfast, and the Lib Dem’s only 80 in Castle Point- but you know, it’s the taking part that counts right?
Conservative candidate Ester McVey has also lost her seat in Wirral West to Labour’s Margaret Greenwood, one of the more prominent marginal seats.
There are also rumours that Nigel Farage may be just as unlucky with his constituency in South Thanet. Sources are saying Nigel may only be coming in third. And typical Nige, he cut his interview with ITV News short after sarcastically referring to The Sun and The Daily Mail as ‘geniuses’- always the last word.
Ed Miliband comfortably kept his position in Doncaster North, but issued an apology for ‘a very difficult and disappointing night’ for Labour supporters. There’s rumours Ed won’t make it until lunchtime before being forced to resign. We may see all three of the big opposition leader’s positions in jeopardy today. It’s also looking tight for Ed Balls - and what will happen to Ed Balls day if he doesn’t pull through?! Come on Ed- for us!!
The SNP have fared well in Scotland, with an almost one-party state in the seats announced so far. A pleasant surprise came in the form of SNP candidate for Paisley and Renfrewshire South and 20-year-old Mhairi Black, who beat out shadow foreign secretary Douglas Alexander. She’s now the youngest MP in parliament and the youngest MP since 1667, putting all us 20-somethings in that ‘and what am I doing with my life?’ spin.
Another great victory was Naz Shah in Bradford West for Labour, ousting Respect party leader George Galloway, who you could say was, you know, a bit more than pissed at losing. A recount was demanded and Galloway was no better off.
He’s alleged to have stormed out of the station, and now it’s thought he’ll be investigated by police after tweeting exit poll estimates before the voting had actually closed. Not a good night for Galloway guys. Twitter’s response was merciless, and Galloway brought down the iron fist in the form of a mass blocking spree for anyone who mocked him. Ouch. An ungracious loser.
Ballots are still being counted and politicians, journalists and all you other keenos remain in their caffeinated zombie state.
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