Women 'Marrying Themselves' Are Still Linking Their Self Worth To Their Relationship Status
The Debrief: A fake ceremony and a frilly dress can only take you so far
If our Facebook feeds are anything to go by, yours is probably teeming with pictures of weddings. ’Tis the season after all.
Whilst you might not be in the position (e.g. engaged) to send out ‘Save The Dates’ or you may have zero desire to ever be in that position – in which case, power to you – some women are eschewing the 'normal' route to matrimony and marrying themselves instead.
Now, ‘Sologamy’ (love it), apart from the obvious part about marrying yourself, isn't quite the same as a standard marriage. For a start, it's not legally binding. And the reality is that it's not even about marriage and being single: it's about self-love and committing to yourself. We've all heard the trope that you can't love someone until you love yourself (it goes something like that doesn't it?) and it's true, it makes sense, I get it.
In essence then, this is a great thing, and it's taken off all over the world. In 2014 there were reports of solo weddings taking place in Japan with company Cerca Travel offering a two-day package including a gown, bouquet, limo, stay at a hotel and a photo album documenting your memories from that day. One user, Tomoe Sawano, said ‘This package boosted my sense of self-esteem’ and the owner of the company said that she had created the service to ‘encourage women to have positive feelings about themselves’.
There was the $300 'I Married Me' kits complete with ceremony instructions, vows and even a ring. Hell, Sex and The City’s Carrie Bradshaw even married herself in the 2003 episode A Woman’s Right To Shoes and Glee’s Sue Sylvester did the honours in 2010.
And now, most recently, 'Marry Yourself Vancouver’ was launched by founder Alexandra Gill to help plan these weddings and offering assistance on anything from bouquets to musicians to photography, you name it. Consultations start at $200, and you can even get a horse drawn carriage if you fancy it (if you've got the $$$). Funnily enough Gill is one of seven friends who married themselves in June 2006 and who have just hit their 10 year anniversary and renewed their wedding vows.
But this is where I start to struggle. If you're really having issues dealing with your sense of self worth as a single person (and let's face it, we've all been there), a fake ceremony and a frilly dress can only take you so far, can't it?
What about therapy? What about making actual meaningful changes to the way you think about yourself? Perhaps these things go hand in hand. Perhaps, a 'ceremony' is what it takes for people to finally embrace themselves and if that is the case, that's excellent news. You do you. But I can't help thinking that the whole thing is a bit exploitative; a work of showmanship that ignores what is, at its core, a really important message about self worth, whatever your relationship status.
It's great that people are putting their middle finger up at the blueprint of 'adulthood', realising that marriage and 2.4 kids isn't written into everyone's destiny, so let's not let a horse and carriage distract from that.
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