Chemmie Squier | Acting Fashion & Beauty Editor | Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Which One Of These 7 Boob Types Do You Have?

Which One Of These 7 Boob Types Do You Have?

The Debrief: Here's some more anatomy-related categories to try and conform to

According to lingerie brand Third Love, boobs come in seven different shapes. Yes, just like deadly sins, boob shapes come in sevens, apparently.

But what…what if you don't identify with any of the seven? What the hell do you do then? Come to terms with the fact that you must be weird because you're not one of them? Feel bad about yet another part of your anatomy? I'm assuming that's not the purpose but, hell, it does a good job of it anyway. 

Considering that the female population currently stands at around 3,418,059,380, I feel pretty confident saying that there’s probably ever so slightly more boob shapes than seven. Maybe. Possibly. I'm speculating.

Anyway, here’s the seven shapes that exist according to their ‘Breast Shape Dictionary’...

1. Round

‘Equally full at the top and bottom’

An all-rounder. HAHAHA.

2. East West

‘Nipples pointing outward’

No, not another Kardashian-West child;  this is where the nipples literally point out at either side, east to west. 

3. Side set

‘Wide space between breasts’

I can’t help it if I have a wide set chest and heavy flow. 

4. Asymmetric 

‘One breast larger than the other’

No one in the entire world has two boobs exactly the same size. Just saying. 

5. Bell Shape 

‘Slimmer at the top, fuller at the bottom’

As in... gravity?

6. Slender

‘Thin breasts, nipples pointing downward’

Do they just mean 'small' boobs?

7. Tear Drop

‘Round but slightly less full at the top’

OK, now they’re clutching at straws. 

Like this? You might also be interested in:

Why I'm Learning To Love My 'Weird' Nipples And So Should You

In The Quest For Body Positivity, Can We At Least Be Positive?

Thick Thighs Or Thigh Gap: The Goal Posts Have Moved But It's The Same Shit

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Tags: Body worries