Molly Boswell | Contributing Writer | Friday, 17 July 2015

Some Of The Weirdest Things Teachers Have Ever Done At School

Some Of The Weirdest Things Teachers Have Ever Done At School

The Debrief: Teachers, simultaneously the best and weirdest species known to man

Happy last day of school, people who are still at school! For those of you that have left your school days behind, happy six weeks of being jealous of your mates who are teachers!

To tide us over until normal service resumes, we started reminicsing about the weirdest stuff our teachers did at school, and it turns out, in hindsight, there was some very weird things that they got up to. TBF though, spending the majority of your day around a bunch of hyperactive mini-adults with little-to-no concept of what’s up with social norms is probably enough to turn anyone doolally.

Here’s some of our favourite stories, taken from Debriefers and this Reddit thread.

Names have been changed... obvs.

The bohemian

‘We were studying Wuthering Heights at school and my teacher (one of the ones with the wild hair and long scarves and general air of bohemia about her) was really into the Kate Bush song. Rather than play us the video of the song, she instead decided to act it out in front of the blackboard, singing the whole thing from start to finish. Longest 3 minutes and 26 seconds of my life.’

The drug addict

‘Once we had a substitute teacher leave class to go to the bathroom. She was gone for the rest of class. Another student and myself went searching for her and found her passed out in the passenger seat of her car. She’d done meth.’

The overreactor

‘In fourth grade, my teacher had an anonymous survey thing about what we thought about her just from seeing her (this was on the first day). One of the questions was, “Do you think I’m a Grandma?” Of course, everybody answers “No” (fourth graders at least have SOME commonsense), except for one kid. So, when she read our answers, she asked, “WHO SAID I’M A GRANDMA!?!?” The kid raised his hand, and she said, “Do I LOOK like a Grandma!?” He just kinda nodded, so she sat on him.’

The sizzler

‘If anybody went to my school they’ll definitely know who I’m talking about. I had an English professor my freshman year that was sort of... odd. He once told us in class about an event that happened a couple years prior. Apparently, his class was being so rowdy that particular day and he couldn’t get their attention. So he did the only thing that he could think of which was to lay down on the floor with this arms to his sides and I quote “sizzle like bacon”. Now, my class thought this was pretty weird and we really had no idea what that meant until a couple months later.

‘We were working on skits where we recreated scenes from Shakespeare through the lens of a modern movie. My group was doing The Godfather. Anyway, apparently everyone was being really loud and our teacher started to “sizzle”, which basically consisted of him laying on the ground wiggling around and saying “ssssssssssssss.” It was weird. The class did get immediately quiet though, so I guess his weirdo strategy worked.’

The panic-instiller

‘I went to school in America back around the time of some horribly tragic school shootings. As a result, our school introduced school shooter drills which basically involved the fire alarm going off and everyone hiding under their desks. The first drill happened when I was in art class, presided over by the eccentric Mrs Bower. The classroom looked out onto a courtyard, across the other side was the library. Not content to let the whole thing play out sensibly, Mrs Bower invented a wild and hysterical plot that included snipers in the library and generally managed to escalate things in a very bad way, terrifying the living daylights out of 25 13-year-olds.’

The no-shits-given king

‘My junior year chemistry teacher found out a few people had been cheating on a test so he threw all of our tests in the sink and lit them on fire in front of everyone.’

The legend

‘My teacher went on Crystal Maze.’

The wildly innapropriate one

‘Sophomore year in chemistry my teacher used the last 15 minutes of class to have a “class meeting”. He said we’d do this periodically to de-stress (chemistry was hard) and we’d discuss non-academic subjects as a group. Seemed cool.

‘He then asks us whether or not we thought that live sex shows should be legal. Like literally paying to watch people get it on. So 30 15-year-olds go around the circle and say they thought it should be legal and that you can’t legislate morality. Then the bell rang and we left.

‘Looking back on it, it’s creepy as hell. It didn’t seem weird to me at the time though.’

The gender specific one

‘Had a female English teacher at the age of 12. Somebody called her Sir by accident, she stood up and screamed (while holding onto her boobs), “DO THESE LOOK MASCULINE TO YOU STEVEN, DO THEY!?! WELL DO THEY!?!” – until he responded that they didn’t and then she sat back down and continued the lesson.’

The one straight out of a Roald Dahl book

‘He used to point at students with a bent finger: “You boy, are a SLUG.”’

The one that probably shouldn’t have been teaching any more

‘Had an elderly teacher. She had a glass of ice water sitting on her desk. In the middle of her lecture, another teacher came by and called her into the hallway to talk for a minute.

‘She comes back five minutes later, walks to the front of the class, looks at her water, then furiously turns to everyone and exclaims, “WHO STOLE MY ICE!?”

‘Bitch, that shit melted.’

The old timer

‘Every day, the professor would walk in, place his briefcase on the podium, take out a tennis ball, and set it on the podium. For the first few weeks, we thought it was odd, but then we simply decided it was just another quirk like every professor has.

‘One day, a student fell asleep. The professor, not skipping a beat, grabbed the tennis ball and launched it at the student. He snapped awake, and the lecture continued as if nothing had happened.

‘The next day, the professor pulls out a baseball and places it on the podium.

‘Nobody ever fell asleep in that class again.’

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

Things You Only Know If You Went To An All Girls School

Stuff You Used To Do At School Because You Thought You Were Cool

British School Proms: Expectation Versus Reality

Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Tags: Nostalgia