The Emotional Rollercoaster Ride That Is Going To The Hairdressers
The Debrief: Why do you never learn?
The sun’s out, you’ve got yourself a new summer dress... You know what would go really well with this new Summer You? A new haircut. Specifically, that one you’ve seen on a whole bunch of lady celebs ATM.
Excited though you may be to trot off to the hairdressers, allow us to remind you of the disaster that was last time and the time before that. Because this time's going to be exactly the same.
Here’s the emotional rollercoaster that is going to the hairdressers.
New hair, new you
You’ve got your picture of the celeb hairdo you’re after (obligatory Sienna Miller bob gif below), full of wonder, excitement and hope about what wonders your new haircut will bring. FINALLY your colleagues are going to take you seriously, FINALLY you’ll look less like you’ve crawled out of a bin and more like a sassy go-getting lady and FINALLY everything’s going to go your way. NEW HAIR NEW YOU LADIES. NEW HAIR NEW YOU.
‘It won’t actually look like this’ your hairdresser says looking at the sweaty picture of Sienna Miller/Rihanna/Jourdan Dunn you’re clutching in your hopeful little hand. ‘You’ve got totally different hair.’ Bah, what does she know? ‘Yeah I know,’ you say out loud. ‘Obviously’. Inside though, you’re chuckling at her naivety. OF COURSE YOU’RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE GISELLE. YOU’RE COPYING HER HAIRCUT.
The first pangs of doubt
Oooooooh, that chop was a little bit shorter than you’d anticipated and now the left side is looking substantially shorter than the right, you’ve just noticed how weird your jaw is. Like, it’s got a weird angle to it that you’re not entirely sure the rest of the world should be seeing? Ah well, it’ll all come together in the end, right?
Oh no, oh dear. This is defintely not right. Never before had you considered what you might look like with hair this colour and now you’re seeing it you’ve realised it’s definitely not something you would have chosen if you’d actually stopped for two seconds and realised that rather than being an A-list superstar with a team of stylists, you’re regular old you with a pair of straighteners gathering dust under you bed. Being a pro though, your face is the perfect picture of calm, while your brain is screaming, ‘ABORT, ABORT!’
The final reveal
Oh my actual fuck. This is not what you wanted in the slightest. Rather than looking like the coolest person in the whole world you look more like one of those kids with the spiky hair out of Pokemon or Dragon Ball Z. Not one to be rude though, you turn to your expectant hairdresser and are all like –
And inside you’re like
While your hairdresser’s all like
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating