Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Tuesday, 28 April 2015

The Aubergine Emoji Is So Much More Than Just A Penis, Guys

The Aubergine Emoji Is So Much More Than Just A Penis, Guys

The Debrief: The aubergine had a bad rep, but there are so many usages for him that aren't rude! So many! Guys!

So you can finally hashtag emojis on instagram but, tragically, there’s one little guy who gets left out. Why? Because we all use him to represent a penis. And he didn’t ask for this shit, he just wanted to be involved in discussions about salads and Italian-based dishes (involving aubergines). 

Let’s boost his confidence, as if he’s a sentient being, and put together a case for why the aubergine emoji is totally important – NOT just for willies – and needs to be honoured with a hashtag. Off we go... 

Instagramming salads 

As in, those that contain aubergine, obviously. Also, you can use it when texting someone to ask if they can pick up aubergine at the supermarket, because you’ve run out. And then screenshot the text and put it on Instagram and hashtag it with the aubergine. 

Instagramming clothing 

When posting a pic of your #ootd, if any of of your clothing features purple, then why not wap out the aubergine? 

Instagramming salad clothing

Y’know when you’re Instagramming a pic of your salad clothing and... OK this is really hard. I think maybe there’s a reason we used the aubergine for penis, and that’s because it’s possibly only got limited usage. Realistically, you’re not going to Instagram aubergine-based goods more than once a month, tops. 

Penises

Sorry, I’ve given up. 

Wangswangswangswangswangspenispeniswillywillyknobknob

Look, let’s just celebrate the fact that the aubergine looks like a willy and be done with it. What else are you going to use when talking about a penis? There’s no emoji of an actual penis! And if there was, then the aubergine would never be used for anything! So let’s be happy about this and start campaigning for the aubergine to get hashtagged.

Because what else could we have put underneath that vine of Louis Tomlinson running around the football pitch looking quite, erm, free and, erm, dangly? The corn on the cob? No, that’s gross. 

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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

Tags: emojis