In Which We Unpick What Your Bedroom Feng Shui Says About You
The Debrief: That bundle of chargers plugged in next to your bed? Yeah, you probably want to do something about that...
Illustration by Anna Sudit
If you’re anything like me, your bedroom has to be a place to sleep, play, fuck and work all in one. In a matter of hours, it can go from being a tidy study, to a sleazy boudoir to a cluttered cesspit of reused coffee mugs and dried-up face wipes.
With the spirit of personal growth in mind, perhaps it’s time to recognise this isn’t the most zen environment to live in. Have you ever stopped and looked around and wondered what the stickers on your mirror or the wi-fi router by your bed really mean for your mind, body and spirit? I have. So I rang up a couple of feng shui experts to find out what the bits of your bedroom say for you.
(The first thing I was told is that your bedroom is the most important room in your entire house. If your bedroom is feng shui-ed to the max, you will sleep well and thus thrive and be happy and successful in all that you do. If not, your life will topple in every way, starting with your health. His ominous words, not mine.)
THE TACKY TAT ON YOUR MIRROR
You have a mirror – well done. They add chi (a flow of energy) by reflecting light and expanding an area. But how about those grubby stickers and flower garland? Priya Sher, a London based Feng Shui Consultant, told me: 'Anything on the mirror is reflected. If you want to put an inspiring sticker on it then it’s okay but definitely don’t clutter it.' Basically, anything nice and positive: go for it.
YOUR BED AGAINST THE WALL
If you’re single, you’re probably alright. But if you have a S.O. that stays over, you’re going to want to reshuffle. Priya said: 'Adults who are in relationships need a double bed with space on both sides.' This is because one of you will start to feel symbolically trapped in the relationship since he or she can’t easily get out. 'For children, it’s okay against the wall for practical and safety reasons, for example, not falling out the bed.' But we’re 100% adults now, right?
YOUR BRIGHT DUVET SET
Probably want to ditch that garish red duvet pronto. Priya said that every colour represents an element and the brighter colours represent the ‘yang’ or harsh aspect of that element. 'Neutral colours represent the light aspect of the elements so a light duvet won’t imbalance the energy.' Blue would also be perfect as it creates feelings of calm and serenity.
However that doesn’t mean you have to remove colour completely. Jan Cisek, Environmental Psychologist at Feng Shui London, suggests 'maybe you want a red or orange pillow or something small if you want passion in your relationship.'
YOUR BUNDLE OF CHARGERS IN AN EXTENSION CABLE BY YOUR BED
Jan seemed pretty outraged by this suggestion ('That’s crazy! The worst thing you can do.'). Why? Electronics create an unhealthy magnetic field, which Jan warns is a key issue that is making humans 'electrosensitive.' It sounds like bollocks, but a quick Google search suggests it could be true 'If you get too electrosensitive you cannot even be near any electricals. It’s going to become a bigger and bigger problem that a lot of people don’t know about.' Excuse me while I move my iPad, laptop, camera, portable charger and iPhone off my duvet…
YOUR PRIZE CACTUS COLLECTION
Plants must be great for your room – they’re living, breathing things that look nice, right? Sort of. Jan says you should throw out any cacti or spikey plants and flowers. 'Cacti are bad both physiologically and psychologically. Physiologically, they hold positive ions rather than negative ones. This creates a heavy atmosphere, such as before a storm. And then psychologically, the visual spikiness creates an atmosphere too.' Basically they don’t generate good chi. Instead, go to B&Q and grab something with round, succulent leaves.
YOUR DRAWN CURTAINS
Doesn’t take a genius to know living in perpetual darkness is probably bad for our posi vibes. Drawn curtains will stifle a flow of energy. Priya suggests opening them during the day to let in the chi of the sun and then close them at night to contain the chi in your home.
POSTERS UP ON YOUR WALL
Maybe take down the tattered, crappy posters. Jan says if your walls are too busy with them you might not sleep well. 'However, some people have a high tolerance for mess. Lots of artistic people are messy, for example, and that aids their creativity.' And actually, clear walls aren’t that great either. 'Bare walls aren’t stimulating or interesting. They don’t reflect who you are and who you’re becoming.' As ever, it’s probably about balance.
PHOTOS OF YOU AND YOUR S.O. OPPOSITE YOUR BED
Well done. Snaps of you and bae anywhere in your room will aid equality in your relationship. And if placed across from the foot of the bed – an important area for visual stimulation – rest assured there will be some other sort of stimulation happening pretty soon after. (N.B. Get rid of those pictures of your family and friends “watching you”, says Jan, or you may as well shove your bed back over by the wall).
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Illustration: Anna Sudit
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