In Defence Of Being Lazy
The Debrief: Lazy or energy efficient? They're the same thing, mate.
Photography By Francesca Jane Allen
Being lazy gets a really bad rep. A disproportionate amount of hate, I think. So what if you spend most of your Saturdays spreadeagled in bed, catching up on on iPlayer? I tend to eat the same dinner every day – bar weekends, if I’m feeling especially adventurous, because the effort of trying a new recipe is a bit too much for me. I wash my hair as little as is socially acceptable and every hangover is a welcome excuse to sack off any plans for that day and exceed all of my RDAs. Twice.
But I’m not a slob, I’m not dirty, I’m simply energy concious. A new study proves it: it found that humans are inherently lazy because in hunter-gatherer times, it was important to conserve energy ready for the next hunt. So to all those lazy people haters: we’re just bloody economical, sue us.
Remember that when the apocalypse happens, all you people too busy doing stuff for the last few decades, will come running to us because you’re too tired to hunt. If survival isn’t good enough, here’s some other reasons why being lazy is great, because we didn’t choose the lazy life. The lazy life chose us.
We’re More Efficient
Because we CBA to spend our precious energy on unnecessary tasks, we get stuff done about 100x quicker than the non-lazy. So, far from doing nothing, we actually do way more, because we’re EFFICIENT. Gutted.
We Know Where It’s At
If the person who goes to every social event ever, turns up at your party, do you care? No. You are but a drop in the ocean of their social conquests. Us LPs (lazy people), however, show up and you fucking know it’s the place to be because we wouldn’t get out of our unmade beds for anything less. Give up on everything, you have peaked.
We’re Less Stressed
And therefore super-chill and better to be around. Busy people who can’t let themselves do nothing, are stressful and ruin the vibe. You don’t need that kind of anxiety in your life. Instead, choose us, we’re way more fun.
We’re Wise AF
We have ample time to contemplate the meaning of life, the afterlife, and… life, so we probably know a shitload more about it than people constantly on the go. When you’re struggling with the universe and you need some advice, you know where we are. (In case you don’t, it’s lying on the sofa in our favourite big, greying pants).
We’re Comfortable With Who We Are
We’ve already established that as humans, we’re inherently lazy, so why are you trying to fight it, man? Something tells me you’re not comfortable with who you are. Accept yourself and embrace the laziness, because you’re great as you are. Come on in, the bed’s super comfy.
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