How To Survive If All Your Friends Have Already Gone Home For Christmas
The Debrief: Shout out to the last ones standing!
If you woke up this morning and found yourself living in a ghost town then congratulations, you’re one of the unlucky people who didn't get to break up on the 19th and now are stuck here for the next two days while your luckier mates settle smugly into the couch of Mum and Dad.
Here’s how to survive the next couple of days.
Turn off all social media unless you want to lose all your friends
Sitting at a desk with next-to-no-work to do is in no way solved by scrolling through your Instagram feed to pass the time. Literally all you’re going to see are red-cheeked smiling versions of your former friends as they taunt you with country walks, vats of wine and, hardest of all, pictures of overflowing boxes of Celebrations, (you know it's only going to be Bountys left for you by the time you get home). The temptation not to write cutting comments will be too great to resist. Remove yourself completely and stick to reading The Debrief instead. We’re here for you until the bitter end. Unlike those mince pie munching surrender monkeys you used to call friends.
Make the most of public transport
When again are you actually going to get a seat on the tube? Get up later, saunter on down to the train station at your own pace and hop on the first train that pulls up before sinking into a seat of your choosing. Be smug in the knowledge that none of the people that skipped out early will ever be able to know the unabated joy that can be inspired by a stress-free commute. It’s the small things.
Remember that your Christmas joy will be all the more poignant
Because everything feels better after a struggle. Chances are your friends at home might have stopped viewing the festive cheer as a novelty by Christmas Eve and grown tired of baking with mum and watching Home Alone. For you though, this will all be BRAND SPANKING NEW, and therefore, all the more exciting.
Make the most of your empty house
Sure it might be lonely and a little bit scary being one of the only ones left in your house but OMG think how clean it can be for those two days. Seriously, all I’ve done all weekend is clean my house, safe in the knowledge that a huge boy poo won't mess up my nice clean toilet, and watch Nicholas Sparks movies without judgement. On that note: Safe Haven yes, The Last Song: no. Sorry Miley.
Find your fellow sufferers
Just like in The Walking Dead and every other post-apocalyptic TV show and film, things go a whole lot smoother if character employ the strength in numbers concept, mainly because it stops people going mad in extreme situations. Determine which of your extended friendship group are also suffering by doing a quick anaylsis of Facebook posts ('sad', 'depressed' and 'fuckssake' are good words to look out for) and create a WhatsApp group and send each other nice things all day. This gif selection is a good place to start.
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Picture: Rory DCS
At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating