The Realities Of Having A Dog In Your 20s
The Debrief: It turns out having a dog is a fantastic form of contraception...
Having a dog is brilliant. If anyone knows me they’ll know I probably qualify as a fully fledged crazy dog lady and have done so for the last 21 years of my life (read: since birth). Only last year did I actually finally convince my parents to let me get one (who is now, without a doubt, my BFFL).
The rumors are true, dogs are bloody excellent. Having a small friend who gets excited seeing your 'woke up like this' face and is willing to cheer you up during ANY time of the month - is a friend for life. BUT they are a lot of work - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
By my experience - here are a few things you will probably only know if you have a dog in your twenties...
Your Snapchats and Instagrams will turn into a place 80% dedicated to your canine friend
Whether that’s making black and white videos of them with Elton John playing on your Story (not that I’ve ever done that) or trying to snap a selfie of you both where they’re not licking your ears- it will consume you, and that is ok.
Work may suffer
When you have meetings with people, you WILL loose people due to talking about your dog too much. Eyes will glaze. Saying that, meeting a mutual dog lover during a work chat is the best thing ever and it’s likely you will deeply bond and/or waste the next hour sharing anecdotes about the first time they ‘went to the loo’ outside.
Kissing your boyfriend in front of your dog is weird
Should they not be watching? Should you save the smooch? Seeing a puppy tilt it’s head in intrigue is weird. I think. Answers on a postcard.
Going out becomes a thing of past
You’ll spend more evenings inside watching Paul O’Grady’s For the Love of Dogs (and making your dog watch it too- ‘oh look SHE LOVES THE DOGS!’) than you will going out during the evenings - this is fine, but shouldn’t become too much of a habit (cough-too late-cough).
And if you do get out getting home late means being quiet
Your dog is like your baby and you DAREN’T wake it from its peaceful slumber for a midnight play time session. You creep in, resist kitchen midnight munchies and go to bed like the grown up that you are.
Pooping becomes a thing!
Although it’s not exclusive to being a twenty-something, you will find infinite glory in seeing your dog go for a poo outside for the first time. My goodness it’s an amazing thing. No one else will ever appreciate it as much as you, so probably try and keep this amazing news to a select few, for some weird reason not everyone gets so excited by this- weird, right? And you will inevitably tell your friends things they genuinely don’t want to know, be it on Facebook messenger or iMessage- ‘Oh she’s just been sick! So gross!'…
You'll wonder why there aren't any dog cafes?
You spend about 90% of your day wishing dog cafés were a thing and not just cool cat cafés. COME ON SHOREDITCH- PUPPIES ARE COOL TOO.
It properly prepares you for what having a child
Which in turn is fantastic contraception and after 5:30am starts and endless toilet clear ups, realize you’re definitely not ready for anything with less than four legs.
But ultimately they are the best thing ever
Nothing will make you happier than seeing their little face through the letterbox when you get home (they are always more excited to see you than ANYONE), hearing the squeaker of their toys when they’re reaping havoc and having sofa cuddles pretty much all day (perks of freelance)- is the epitome of happiness (#soppynotsoppy).
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating