Calling Bullshit On Owl Ring Bearers And Other Wedding Gimmicks
The Debrief: That 'surprise' first dance routine featuring all the groomsmen can do one too
A video of Bilbo the owl (yes, really) has gone viral this week after he was made the actual ring bearer at a wedding.
‘What a cute idea! So original!’ may be your first thought when you see an owl fly into a marriage service to ‘deliver the rings’, but then think about the impracticalities. Wedding ceremonies can be painfully long anyway, without the risk of a stubborn owl refusing to fly down from the roof and making the wait for free booze and dancing even longer.
Yes, Bilbo nailed it but not all owls are as skilled, making them a risky option for your big day.
And you can’t complain if it doesn’t work the first time, or even the 20th time because, unsurprisingly, an owl doesn’t give a shit about weddings, romance or delivering the rings.
Apart from being the most utterly random thing to feature in, supposedly, the most romantic day of your life, they are one of several wedding gimmicks that have been doing the rounds recently. So while we’re on the topic, here are a few more cheesy wedding gimmicks that can just do one, as another wedding season descends upon us.
Doves released from baskets, the completely pointless and angry falcon that seems to feature in every wedding at a castle, the family dog – you get the idea. Animals and expensive dresses, fancy churches and precarious fascinators just don’t mix and are bound to cause chaos. You don’t want your heartfelt vows punctuated by barks and squawks, nor should you let your pristine dress come into contact with any animals. Don’t come crying to me if your dress has been shat on because you just had to have that portable aviary at your wedding.
Yeah, we get it, you’re the cutest couple that’s ever lived, we’ve seen all the Facebook posts, couples photoshoots and we made sure we smiled through your vows, so we really get how much you love each other. So thanks for wanting to share with us, but we honestly don’t need an entire slideshow showing the ‘story of your love’ with ‘hilarious’ captions and a Coldplay song as the backing track. It’s really not necessary, so don’t you dare whip out that USB stick during the speeches.
The ‘surprise’ first song dance
Expect some serious side eye if you break out into a dance routine to a rap song/1990s boy band hit midway through your first dance. Yes, they were funny when they first came out and millions of people watched them, but that was eight years ago and it’s time to move on. Just let it go. Please. And if you really can’t resist, then please know that forcing your bridesmaids/groomsmen to join in only increases the awkwardness and horror by about a billion per cent.
I love Star Trek and Lord of the Rings as much as the next person, but does this love really need to extend to your wedding day theme? Using light sabers instead of candles, Gollum as the ring bearer and a Dalek-shaped wedding cake may seem adorably quirky and creative, but remember that you’ll be haunted by the photos on your mantelpiece for the rest of your married lives, so choose wisely and don’t go overboard.
Also, you risk leaving your guests with serious ‘what to wear’ dilemmas, like this girl who took to Reddit for advice on what to wear to a Game of Thrones themed wedding and received suggestions ranging from ‘wearing armor underneath’ to a dress with ‘embroidered fish on the collar.’ Yeah, I’ll pass.
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