Jazmin Kopotsha | Culture Writer | Tuesday, 1 August 2017

This Is Why You Should Never Employ A Broflake

This Is Why You Should Never Employ A Broflake

The Debrief: In case you needed reminding of why a Donald Trump presidency was an awful idea

Donald Trump is a bad idea all on his own. Pre-presidency, his morals and validity were questionable. Retrospectively though, we can look back sound in the knowledge that he, in fact, was little more than a big ol’ broflake. Then by some great twist of fate, of course, he was elected head honcho of the United States of America and thus became king of the broflakes. The giant, unspectacular, no different from the rest of us expect for an increased tendency to leave a distressingly bad taste in your mouth. 

Now, if you’re not familiar with the term, we’ve got a comprehensive breakdown of how to spot the broflakes of the world.They’re often middle-aged, white, privileged and male with a habit of gaslighting the shit out of everything. They’re often a bit like Trump.  

I’m sure we’d all be able to come up with a million reasons why it would be rather silly to employ a broflake to a position of power. But recent events over the last week or so have given us a collection of non-hypothetical, farcical instances that prove everything that’s wrong with it. As demonstrated by the biggest broflake of the all. For example, 

1. They’ll dispose of people like old toys out of a new pram

Sean Spicer was in. He was press secretary. Then Anthony Scaramucci rocked up as communications director, which prompted Sean Spicer to be out. Former chief of staff Reince Prebus swerved the White House six days after Scaramucci showed up. But then after ten days in role Scaramucci was given the boot by the broflake king a few hours after the new chief of staff John Kelly was hired. Drama, indeed. And while the debacle might feel a little bit like House of Cards on steroids, better comparisons were drawn from another popular screen title… 


Box office results are in! The #1 comedy in America!

A post shared by Kate Hudson (@katehudson) on Jul 31, 2017 at 1:07pm PDT


Then, of course, there’s the acting US attorney general, Sally Yates, who was fired by Trumpflake after ordering for the immigration plan not to be enforced. Former FBI director James Comey, was ditched because of all of his investigating into Trump’s election campaign and its links to Russia’. Broflakes don’t like their blatantly flawed ideologies to be challenged, you see. They prefer to surround themselves in manufactured chaos to distract from their inability to do what they’re meant to.  

But it’s okay. Don’t panic. Following another very prominent dismissal of one of his senior staff members, Trump tweeted to reassure us that it’s all good over on Pennsylvania Avenue. 


2. He’ll jeopardise the integrity of all he represents

Isn’t the President of the United States meant to represent all that is good? Leader of the free world, protector of the people and purveyor of democracy? Isn’t the President of the United States meant to lead with integrity? Isn’t the President meant to be trust worthy? Isn’t the President meant to be dedicated to the Presidency he was elected to?

I’m not sure the President’s secondary business is meant to profit from his seat in the Oval office. ‘His refusal to fully divest himself from his business, the linkages between finances and the levers of power – those are the classic symptoms of kleptocracy’, Seva Gunitky, an expert on authoritarian states, told Vox. Kleptocracy is not the one.

3. Forcing women to apologise for an understandable misinterpretation highlights his own inadequacies 

A video that seemed to show Donald Trump avoiding shaking hands with a young boy in a wheelchair caught the attention of J.K. Rowling. Naturally, she had something to say about it - 'How stunning, and how horrible, that Trump cannot bring himself to shake the hand of a small boy who only wanted to touch the president', she originally tweeted.

It later transpired that that's not exactly what happened. So, naturally, J.K. Rowling apologised for getting it wrong. 


While there are comments flying around about the fact that J.K. Rowling didn’t apologise to Trump directly (obvs), do you remember the last time Trump either apologised, acknowledged a mistake or retracted an incorrect statement? That’s a trick question. 

4. He's always involved in the drama, somehow

Did you hear about the one where the President’s son allegedly (and potentially illegally) tried to get information from the Russian government during an election to sabotage the opponent? How about the one where the President's son later issued a press statement to downplay the seriousness of said shady meeting? 

Okay. Here's a corker. What about the one where it later came out that the President apparently intervened in the putting together of his son's very misleading statement to prevent the full truth from coming out? Yeah. Trump reportedly 'dictated' the statement (that was released in his son's name) that failed to mention that the meeting between Trump Jr and Russian lawyers was in fact arranged following the promise of negative intelligence on Hillary Clinton. That's not worrying at all...

Like this? You might also be interested in…

Broflake: The Perfect Term For Everyone You Hate

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Did Some Students Illegally Vote Twice At The General Election?

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