Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Thursday, 19 February 2015

Apparently The Mons Pubis Is The New Thigh Gap And Oh My God Get Out

The Debrief: Oh great! Another thing we're told to obsess over. Because there wasn't enough already.

Hey, guys! Fed up of worrying about the fact that your arse is bigger than a Victoria’s Secret model? Or you don’t have an arse? Or your thighs are shit? Or your skin doesn’t look like the woman in the advert? Or you're a size [insert literally any size]? Well, now you can add something else to this list: your mons pubis.

‘Oooh, what’s a mons pubis?’ we hear you cry, desperately scrabbling around your body to locate the offending appendage. OK, so you know your vulva? And the bit above it that was exposed constantly during the noughties low-slung Levis trend? Yeah, there it is, and yours is probably fat and you should definitely get some surgery because literally everyone is laughing at you and calling you Fatty Fatty Mons Pubis Girl behind your back.

Also, that guy/girl you’re sleeping with is totally grossed out by its shape and is 100% having recurring nightmares about it jumping out of your pants and chasing them around the garden. 

Brought to our attention by Sports Illustrated – which has model Hannah Davis on the cover, flaunting her mons in a skimpy bikini – it has become apparent that ‘monsplasty’ is all the rage in the clinics these days.

‘Monsplasty is a posh word for the removal of suprapubic fat. Not to be confused with lower abdominoplasty or tummy tuck, it can also occur in men and women who have been overweight and have lost a considerable amount of weight,’ Dr Ernest Guillem, of Marbella Cosmetic High Care Group told Mail Online.

‘Women seek it because they are on the eternal quest for perfection. With women being constantly bombarded with images in the media of perfect bodies and the current trend of designer abs, abs have never been more visible and more revered.’ 

While it’s true that celebs and people into fashion are slinging their jeans lower, embracing cut-out dresses, and even exposing their full vaginas on the red carpet (Iggy Azalea! Paris Hilton! Jaime Alexander!), this does not mean you should start worrying about a body part that a lot of us don’t even know the name for. Or have never really noticed.

But if you’re genuinely embarrassed by your mons pubis, then it’s probably time to have a cup of tea or go to an art gallery because the only thing that matters is that you’re a healthy woman with a working vagina (or not, you can have anything you like down there. Penis, wallclock, you name it). 

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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

Picture: Eylul Aslan 

Tags: FFS News, Body worries