You've Got Approximately A Decade To Become Beyonce. Here's How
The Debrief: Her Royal Beyness is 34 today. Happy Birthday love.
The Beyniverse just turned 34 years old. That’s right – the women who taught us all the value of jelly, to put a ring on it and that 1+1 equals 2 has now reached the ninth Fibonacci number and a companion Pell number, whatever the fuck that means.
But while Bey may be worth $250 million, making her the 49th Richest Self-Made Woman in America according to Forbes, is married, a mother, has won 20 Grammys and has the kind of jiggle that would rupture the Richter scale, don’t feel like she’s out of reach. You’ve probably got, what, ten years to reach her heights? To scale her achievements and eclipse her fame? Totally doable, my friend. Totally doable.
And here’s how:
1. Know Your Self Worth
It took me until I was 30 to realise that I had intrinsic worth; that I deserved love, respect and kindness exactly as I am. Beyoncé learned this, it would appear, at 19 when she sang ‘I am not the one to sit around and be played, So prove yourself to me,’ in Say My Name. I mean, sure, she sang it in a pair of low-rise orange flares but you can’t have everything.
2. Make Four Your Favourite Number
I know, this sounds like a conspiracé theoré but I’m running with it: Beyoncé was born on 4th of September. Her mother, Tina Knowles, was born on 4th of January. Jay Z was born on 4th of December. Mrs and Mrs Bey got married on April 4, 2008, and got matching ‘IV’ tattoos on their ring fingers. Her fourth studio album was called 4 and even her daughter’s name Blue Ivy is supposedly a pun on the Roman numericals IV.
3. Stay Spontaneous
Remember when Beyoncé launched her fifth album as a glorious multimedia surprise? Boom, out of nowhere there was suddenly a whole album, with videos, available on iTunes? This bit of stealth creativity made her the first woman in history to have five studio albums chart at number one and sold one million digital copies worldwide in six days. You could do that.
Instead of telling everyone about your exciting plans, unpicking every intention in conversation and across social media, discussing endlessly all the things you really are going to, honestly, really soon – just actually do it. Don’t tell anyone until it’s finished. That sliver of secrecy might just be the impetus you need to get shit done and, at the very least, people won’t be bored by the time you’re finally ready to have the big reveal.
4. Get your dad to be your manager
Actually, that’s a terrible idea. My father barely knows my own birthday and last time I checked he only had two molars left. It may have worked out for Beyoncé. It may have worked for Serena and Venus Williams. And it kind of worked out for Britney. But it went pretty badly for LeAnn Rimes.
5. Embrace Your Multiplicity
The birth of Sasha Fierce was, well, fierce. She brought us Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), Videophone and Halo. And all because the woman formerly known as Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter was willing to embrace her more provocative, thrusting, risqué side.
You may not want to go to such lengths as to give yourself a pseudonym, a second wardrobe and a self-titled album, but you can certainly make like Bey in the sense that you can express yourself however you feel, in that moment, in whatever way you feel comfortable. It’s not a contradiction – it’s liberation.
6. Expand Your Range
I don’t necessarily mean the 3.6 octaves that characterise Beyoncé’s singing voice. Rather, your twenties should be your time to try everything. It might not be the classic acting-singing-modelling route the Dreamgirls star went down, but surely part of Mrs Carter’s appeal is that she keeps trying new things: new choreography, new vocal styles, new collaborations, new projects and new shakes. You could learn a lot from a woman like that.
7. Just Keep Going
Hulkamania memes, conspiracy theories, infidelity gossip, a super-amazing sibling – Beyoncé has risen above them all to plough through bullshit like a juggernaut and achieve, well, more than most of us. You have 10 years to become Beyoncé. That means you have to try for all 10 years. Don’t give up after six if it’s not working. Don’t try it for a year and decide you don’t deserve it. Don’t get annoyed after four that you’re not Beyoncé yet.
You’ve got a decade. Starting now.
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