Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Thursday, 5 March 2015

Shania Twain Just Announced Her Final Tour. But Remember The Lyrical Gold That Was 'Come On Over'?

The Debrief: Shania Twain is a lyrical legend. Here is why.

Shania Twain, best known for late 90s mega-smash album Come On Over which became the best selling album by a woman in any genre of music of all time (yep, that's a casual 75 million copies - in case you're wondering) has just announced her final tour ever. After a two year run in Vegas, The Twain will be hitting nearly 50 cities - none of which will be in the UK. Which makes us sad. Why? Because she's a legend and if you're asking that question then you need to go away and do some serious Spotify-ing. 

Either way, let's celebrate Shania's legacy by exploring the best lyrics on Come On Over - aka, the guiltiest of guilty pleasure albums. Because it really is one of the most anthemic, most ridiculous albums ever made.

'WoooOOhOp ho-ho' (Man! I Feel Like A Woman)

When we say 'DUH DUH DUH-DUHHH-DUH DUH DUH' you say 'let's go girls'. If you don't, then you can't sit with us, because  we would argue that this is the 90s equivalent to 'Run The World (Girls)'. Yeah OK so she talks about colouring her hair as if it's some sort of bold feminist statement ('colour my hair, do what I dare!') but she's just looking for something to rhyme with 'dare', guys. How can you not throw your hands up in the air to a woman yelling 'I ain't gonna act politically correct, I only wanna have a good tiIIIiiiiiIiIime'. And if the rousing chorus of 'WoooOOhOp ho-ho go totally crazaaaay' doesn't get you half-ironically jumping about then you're dead inside. 

'If you wanna touch her, ask!' (If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!)

Shania was tackling consent way ahead of her time, and we probably should have listened to her. Maybe not the best song on the album to jump around to, but it's got a great message (and my mum attests to the fact it's really good for keeping time when doing workouts in the living room).  

So you're Brad Pitt? That don't impress me much (That Don't Impress Me Much)

Not only did she rock the best outfit of the entire 90s in the music video (leopard print crop top, leopard print trousers, leopard print hooded cloak), but if 'Man! I Feel Like A Woman' was the jumping about yelling feminist anthem, then this was its kickass Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You sibling. You've got a car? That doesn't impress her. You're really fit? That doesn't impress her. She doesn't care about surface, she just wants someone to keep her warm at night, y'know? 'You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine, you'd make me take of my shoes before you let me get in' she sings - shout out to all the ladies in the house who like to sleep in their shoes and would take a thermally insulated man over Brad Pitt any day. 

'Get off the phone, give the dog a bone' (Honey I'm Home

Admittedly the guiltiest point on an album of total guilt, this song is all about how sometimes when you get home and you've had a shit day, you just want someone to pour you a cold one. Contains the most frantic attempts at quick rhymes possibly ever recorded: between 'my pantyline shows' rhyming with 'got a run in my hose' and 'my hair went flat' paired with 'man, I hate that!' we have 'rub my feet', 'give me something to eat' and 'fix me up my favourite treat', as well as our favourite: 'get off the phone, give the dog a bone'. Because this is true art. The song is about a woman having a terrible day, mirrored by the increasingly desperate attempts to find justified rhyming schemes until literally the only word left that rhymes with 'home' is 'bone' so why the hell not. Beautiful. 

'Black eyes, I don't need them. Blue tears, give me freedom' (Black Eyes Blue Tears) 

Not many people record songs so explicitly about domestic violence, but this anthem directly empowers women to leave anyone who isn't treating them right. 'I'd rather die standing, than live on my knees, begging please - no more' she sings in the bridge, before discussing how she 'definitely found my self esteem, finally I'm forever free to dream, no more cryin' in the corner, no excuses, no more bruises'. It's also even more pertinent (and powerful) considering the fact that Shania revealed in her memoir that she was abused for years by her mother's husband, before eventually persuading her mother to run away with her to a shelter. A really important song, and it also kicks arse. 

'Looks like we made it' (You're Still The One) 

This is the best love song of the 90s. Don't care what anyone says. And then a decade later he left her for another goddamn woman and Shania said she was so sad and had like five baths a day because she couldn't do anything else and then oh lord everyone's crying. But seriously, listen to this if you're loved up and you'll sort of want it to (secretly) be 'your song' or listen to it when you're single and you'll be really sad because you want someone to sing it to you. And they wrote it about each other. Together. Bollocks to Romeo and Juliet, this is the real tragedy and we should probably stop listening to Shania Twain songs and get a bit of perspective. 

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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

Tags: Music