Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Barbie Unaffected By Housing Crisis, Gets Shit-Hot New House With WIFI

Barbie Unaffected By Housing Crisis, Gets Shit-Hot New House With WIFI

The Debrief: Barbie's got a new house. And it's better than anything you'll ever be able to afford.

If you read the oh-so-depressing news over the weekend that 90% of us are never going to own houses then you're probably feeling pretty rubbish about your future prospects right now.

According to The Resolution Foundation, nine out of ten of 18-34 year olds are going to be 'permanent renters'. A group of backbench MPs chimed in saying that the current housing policy was 'a mess'. Hooray.

One person who hasn't had any trouble getting herself on the property ladder though is the perma-tanned, newly revamped Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Barbara, (better known to you as 'Barbie') was your childhood friend who you eventually ditched because she was always off doing weird things like becoming an Olympic gymnast, or a vet, or, you know, her head fell off. Maybe you should have stuck with her though, because, while you're living in a mouldy box room, Barbie's new house is SWEET.

For starters, it connects to the internet. And not in a way like your house kind of does with your shitty old router that makes watching an uninterrupted Netflix stream a game of chance. No, Barbie's new house, unveiled at the Toy Fair yesterday, is more connected to the internet in a Bill Gates smart house kind of way. Barbie's Dream House connects to an app on your phone and recognises your voice so you can tell the lift (yes it's got a lift) to take Barbie and her visitors up and downstairs. Not only that, it's also got the kind of lights that turns on when Barbie enters a room, like the bathrooms at fancy bars. ALSO, the oven will turn on when you tell it to so Barbie can make omelettes whenever she wants. Although does she even eat though. Wtf.

But wait, wait for the best bit though. If you tell the house that you're having a party, it goes into 'Party Mode' which basically means that all the lights turn coloured and flashy, the chandeliers rotate like disco balls and the stairs turn into a damn slide.

As well, just to top it all off, the house has got super nice interiors like a purple couch and 70s inspired prints. And a flat screen TV.

Fuckssake Barbie.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

If You Haven't Seen Hipster Barbie, You're Missing Out

Barbie's Finally Getting Flat Shoes, Aged 56

You Won't Be Surprised Barbie's New Book Is Sexist When You See This List Of Her Other Fails

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