Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Wednesday, 4 March 2015

All The Stupid Shit Conrad Hilton Is Reported To Have Done On That Flight Rated In Terms Of Douchebaggery

The Debrief: Unbuckling your seatbelt, not cool. Calling people 'fucking peasants', unforgivable.

It's often the case that money and douchebaggery go hand in hand but, in the case of Conrad Hilton, that self-important millionaire thing *might* have got out of hand.

Remember a few weeks back when the heir to the Hilton fortune and brother to Nicky and Paris was arrested for his behaviour on a British Airways flight bound for LA from London back in July? Well, this week GQ had a chat with life coach Patricia Mitchell who was on the same flight. She elaborated on the already pretty damning witness accounts from the 10 hour flight.

Here's a few choice extracts...

Five minutes after takeoff, Conrad Hilton unbuckled his seatbelt and began to walk around

'It was during that bit when the stewards are up but nobody else should be.' Said Patricia. Which, in terms of cardinal flight sins is annoying but you know, not exactly unheard of. Perhaps he really needed the loo, felt nervous in his seat or you know, was just kind of a dick. Either way, there's always one.

Douchebaggery rating: 1/5

After sitting back down, Conrad waited until the seatbelt sign was off and got up and took umbridge with another passenger

According reports he was complaining that the man was giving him the 'stink eye'. His response? He apparently said the guy 'either wants to fight me or fuck me but I am not gay.' Casual homophobia aside, the douchebaggery in this lies in the assumption that a) this guy isn't allowed to be pissed off about being stuck on a ten hour flight with an erratic fellow passenger or b) that this man finds Conrad so attractive he's willing to risk the wrath of notably strict aviation laws to join the mile high club with a marginally attractive 20-year-old.

Douchebaggery rating: 2/5

After further erratic behaviour lands Conrad with an inflight chaperone, he threatened the attendant

Just how did this 'threat' play itself out? Conrad is puported to have said 'I am going to fucking kill you! I will fucking rip through you!' And 'I will fucking own anyone on this flight; they are fucking peasants!' Threatening anyone with  death is not a nice thing to do under any circumstances but taking your trash talk back to the times of medieval feudal overlords? That's very uncool. And also 500 years out of date. According to Patricia it was 'Unbelievable how much attention (he was) getting.'

Douchebaggery rating: 3/5

He smoked weed

Conrad supposedly then announced he wanted to smoke marijuana, locked himself in a bathroom and the smell of weed was detected. When a crewmember knocked, he reportedly left for another bathroom and smoked a cigarette there. Patricia said he 'looked deeply unhappy'. This is not the desired effect marijuana is supposed to have on a person. Maybe he did it wrong?

Douchebaggery rating: 3/5

He pulled the daddy card

Conrad was then witnessed approaching a flight attendant and saying 'I could get you all fired in five minutes. I know your boss. My father will pay this out, he has done it before. Dad paid $300,000 last time.' Patricia said this was clearly 'A waste of money'. We're inclined to agree. Perhaps a stint in a cell might have sorted the lad out? Also that money could have bought us a house. Dick.

Douchebaggery rating: 5/5

 He threatened the co-pilot

At this point the co-pilot is said to have come out. Conrad is then reported to have said, 'If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it on and I will fucking fight you.' Then ripped up his final written warning. Patricia is full of nothing but praise for the crew. 'He's an asshole but the British Airways crew was incredibly professional... They were calm, smiling, it was really impressive.'

Conrad, buddy. Up until this point the whole thing was laughable, faintly amusing and nostalgic even (depending on how much tolerance you had for The Simple Life) but as someone who's shit scared of flying you lost me when you THREATENED THE GODDAMN MAN WHO'S DRIVING THE PLANE. Plus, a million douche points for use of the word 'bro'.

Douchebaggery rating: 1,000,005/5

Here's the real kicker though kids. Conrad was originally arrested and charged with 'intimidating or assaulting the flight crew to the point where he interfered with their ability to perform their duties', punishable by up to 20 years in jail. Probably unsuprisingly though, his lawyers have struck a plea deal which means he'll plead guilty to just one count of assault. Maximum sentence for that one? Six months in jail, one year of probation and a fine of $5000. Now, where's he going to get the money for that one from?

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

Is This Paris Hilton in the Noughties or Now? Turns Out It's Surprisingly Hard To Tell

Paris Hilton's Spent $13k On A Dog She Found Through Twitter

Paris Hilton's Brother Gets Arrested On Plane, And Calls Everyone Around Him 'Peasants'.

 Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Tags: FFS News