According to news in today, Simon Cowell has given the One Direction boys license to go solo, provided they still remain together, which has sent Directioners into the stratosphere.
What will they do? What will their solo albums be like? Will Zayn open a bank? Probably not, but judging by what we know of them already, we decided to take estimates (and bets) as to what their individual solo projects will sound like.
**Harry Styles **
You won’t be able to hear whatever his musical output sounds like, thanks to the screaming and sounds of underwear being thrown against whatever speaker happens to be blaring out his single. Either way, he’ll do something really mainstream and pop-like that’ll sound exactly like One Direction with just be Harry’s voice.
Or he’ll go the other way and do someting really experimental where he’s covered in paint and singing backwards over the top of a swan crying. It’ll be fine, but everyone will wish he’d just stuck to One Direction and partying – not that he even parties, oh my god, he’s young can you just let him be, etc.
Louis Tomlinson
After buying Doncaster Rovers, Louis will release a World Cup song that nobody will like but it’ll stay at number one for three years. Then he’ll release an edgy, indie album, perhaps an acoustic guitar with lots of drums and maybe a full band so he looks like a rock star.
The video for the first single will be in black and white and involve rain. He will then go back to 1D and attempt to be the Robbie of the group (Take That* *reference). Who knows where that will lead.
Zayn Malik
He’ll do some form of RnB single involving a) lots of soulful looks to the camera, b) him looking sweaty and wearing a vest and rubbing his own chest a bit and c) it’ll sound a bit like Dane Bowers back catalogue because, as Debrief news editor Sophie Wilkinson reckons, he ‘has a similar register’.
There’s also a chance, though, that Zayn will release a really bad reggae track about smoking weed for literally no reason, because Zayn doesn’t touch the stuff and that video was just a fluke, and oh my god leave Zayn alone, etc.
Niall Horan
Niall looks like a cheeky chappy who’s just happy to be there, so he might release an album where he covers loads of classic ballads. It’ll have a white cover, and do quite well at Christmas thanks to a canny bid for Christmas number one that sees him duet with Jedward. They’ll get to number two, but he’ll be OK with it and then quietly go back to the studio with One Direction because, y’know.
Liam Payne
Liam will become Gary Barlow.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.