Now Hannah's got time on her hands (turns out that, like all of us, she missed the memo about 'free time' at university being 'working time'), instead she's baking brownies and Skyping Jessa. Elijah interrupts to remind Hannah that he’s got loads of new friends while she has none, and about the ‘poet party’ that the two have agreed to attend later which sounds a lot like a phrase your maniacal English teacher would have used to describe what was definitely a most melancholy half hour spent reading Robert Browning's poem about strangling a girl with her own hair. Jessa mentions to Hannah that she sees Adam at AA every day and then moons the camera because nothing solves a broken heart like a close-up of a bum with knicker elastic marks on it.
Over at Ray’s, Marnie is explaining why she definitely isn’t the ‘Other Woman’ in the whole sorry Desi-Marnie-Clementine situation, ‘He puts his hand on my butt when we’re waiting in line at Starbucks!’ she explains, forgetting that sly displays of sexual longing in the most ubiquitous coffee chain in the world are NOT the universal sign you’re now someone’s girlfriend. According to Desi, Clementine gets rashes so he can’t break up with her. Talk of skin disorders obviously gets Marnie going though because one second later she’s straddling Ray and snogging his face off, thus confirming her position as The Worst Decsion Maker Ever Since Madonna Decided To Get An Instagram Account.
Shoshanna’s going for a job in a place that looks like an Anthropologie knock-off and claims she’s an expert when it comes ‘trend jewellery’, completely ignoring the fact that she’s sporting a hair clip that looks like an orange boob. She gets offered the job but turns it down because to her, it was only a ‘practice interview’. Which is a sentence she actually says out loud to the interviewer, thus inspiring a thousand more broadsheet thinkpieces claiming Millenials don’t know they’ve been born.
Desi and Marnie are playing their record to some fancy music execs who think the two have a ‘big ball’ to ‘get rolling’. The only problem is the execs want to know how long Marnie and Desi have been together. Desi clears things up and says they’re not. Marnie gets mad and tries to smoke a cigarette.
Meanwhile, over at AA, we finally get some clarification on Adam and Hannah’s relationship from Adam who explains to Jessa at AA that they have a ‘speak once a month rule’ because of 'boundaries'. So that explains that then.
Desi’s having a go at Marnie for freaking out in the meeting while simultaneously trying to snog her. He’s a weird guy. Marnie tries to end the bonking part of their relationship but Desi doesn’t get it and thinks her problem with him still having a girlfriend is only ‘culturally specific’ because he’s a massive fucking wanger. Still, Marnie stays strong and cuts the ties. For now.
Jessa invites Adam to her four month sober birthday and we find out he’s fucking someone who isn't Hannah. Then Jessa decides to pee in the street (kook factor: 9 million) and then gets arrested by the police. Somehow Adam ends up getting arrested too.
Back in Iowa, Elijah’s taking pictures of a bong-smoking Billy Corgan lookalike (apparently taking selfies didn’t ‘challenge’ him anymore) while Hannah worries she’s got mono and decides to mingle with her classmates. She actually kind of nails it with a feminism argument but then ruins it by ripping into each and every one of them (choice insult; ‘You’re a Bad Mood Milly’) and back flopping off the couch with all the elegance and grace of a drunk panda bear trying to perform Riverdance.
Meanwhile Ray has bailed Jessa and Adam out of jail and is lecturing them on how to be decent human beings while Jessa rolls her eyes and refers to the police as ‘the po po’. Adam gives her a telling off too and Jessa gets sad and asks him to be her friend.
In a wildly surprising turn of events the episode ends with Hannah heading home in a horse-drawn buggy being driven by an Amish man. Because er, NFI.
Like this? Then you might also be also be interested in:
Girls Episode Two: Marnie's Knitting, Hannah's Quitting, And Elijah's Dealing With A Fisting
Girls Episode One: Hannah Goes To Iowa, Marnie Plays A 'Jazz Brunch'
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Illustration: Nina Cosford
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.