Didn’t Watch Obama’s State Of The Union Speech? Here’s Your NTK

The President talked about instagram and women's rights, among (lots of) other amazing things

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by Stevie Martin |
Published on

President Obama gave his State Of The Union address yesterday, outlining where he wants the next two years (potentially his last) to go, and what he hopes to achieve. The words 'instagram', 'lesbian' and 'transgender' were involved - not the usual suspects at these sorts of speeches - so here are the best bits that made us go 'Oh that's interesting' because yes, we watched the full hour. Even the bit where he says goodbye and walks off. Also, obviously this isn't the point, but did anyone else notice that Michelle Obama was wearing the exact same outfit as Alicia Florrick (Julianna) from last night's The Goodwife episode?! Anyway. Here's why we wish Obama was our life leader:

**He's going to make Community College free for all... **

Not quite making university free (can you imagine, oh my god), but America are going to make all their community colleges free - they basically offer the more technical courses, as well as courses on a whole range of subjects that can act as foundations for Bachelor's Degrees and diplomas that are more standalone. 'That’s why I am sending this Congress a bold new plan to lower the cost of community college — to zero. Forty percent of our college students choose community college. Some are young and starting out. Some are older and looking for a better job. Some are veterans and single parents trying to transition back into the job market. Whoever you are, this plan is your chance to graduate ready for the new economy, without a load of debt. Sounds pretty goddamn good, doesn't it? Oh, and he then added: 'Those already burdened with student loans can reduce their monthly payments so student debt doesn't derail anyones dreams'. Cue applause.

He chatted about instagram...

In relation to a new space mission about to launch that will figure out whether we can live on Mars. 'Last month, we launched a new spacecraft as part of a reenergised space programme that will send American astronauts to Mars and in two months, to prepare us for those missions, Scott Kelly will begin a year-long stay in space so good luck captain! make sure they instagram it! We're proud of you!' Genuinely though, we hope someone does instagram it.

**He wants to kick Isis in the balls... **

This has definitely been the year of Isis flexing their power over Western culture with a series of horrifically violent acts and threats. Obviously, President Obama wants to eradicate them off the face of the planet, and has called for force to be used. 'First, we stand united with people around the world who’ve been targeted by terrorists — from a school in Pakistan to the streets of Paris. We will continue to hunt down terrorists and dismantle their networks, and we reserve the right to act unilaterally, as we’ve done relentlessly since I took office to take out terrorists who pose a direct threat to us and our allies,' he said. 'Instead of getting dragged into another ground war in the Middle East, we are leading a broad coalition, including Arab nations, to degrade and ultimately destroy this terrorist group'.

He wants to continue to fight the persecution of gay people...

And women, and religious minorities and those who are transgender. 'As Americans, we respect human dignity, even when we’re threatened [...] It’s why we speak out against the deplorable anti-Semitism that has resurfaced in certain parts of the world. It’s why we continue to reject offensive stereotypes of Muslims — the vast majority of whom share our commitment to peace,' he said. 'That’s why we defend free speech, and advocate for political prisoners, and condemn the persecution of women, or religious minorities, or people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. We do these things not only because they’re right, but because they make us safer.'

'I want future generations to know that we are a people who see our differences as a great gift, that we are a people who value the dignity and worth of every citizen — man and woman, young and old, black and white, Latino and Asian, immigrant and Native American, gay and straight, Americans with mental illness or physical disability.' If everyone in America, and indeed the world, shared this view then it'd be a much better place.

**He wants to save the world... **

Terrifyingly, 14 of the 15 warmest years on record have all fallen in the first 15 years of this century - with last year, again, being cited as the warmest of them all. Republicans have been dismissing the science behind climate change for years, and it's not quite doing it for us anymore - especially considering top NASA scientists are pretty much adamant that we're fucking the planet up pretty badly, and we need to stop. Oh, and the fact that we all sweated through our costumes on Halloween aka THE END OF OCTOBER. 'The Pentagon says that climate change poses immediate risks to our national security. We should act like it.That’s why, over the past six years, we’ve done more than ever before to combat climate change, from the way we produce energy, to the way we use it. That’s why we’ve set aside more public lands and waters than any administration in history. And that’s why I will not let this Congress endanger the health of our children by turning back the clock on our efforts.'

**Like this? You might also be interested in... **

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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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