The British Fashion Awards 2014: If Dresses Could Talk

Mistress made me, and now she wears me. And yes, David does have the key to this chain around my middle. And he's not afraid to use it.

Tis the season to be jolly tra-la-la-la-la-la. I’m in that sparkling happy mood. I'm a Emilia Wickstead dress and this is my time to SHINE. Did I mention that it's almost Christmas?

So the devil is not wearing Prada tonight, she's wearing me. Lil loves all dresses by Viv W, and always makes them work even if she does outshine me a bit with those pink horns.

I might have been the second dress of the night but boi to I pack a punch, along with a few strategically placed sequins to preserve Cara's modesty. Shame I was forcibly dragged off the dance floor with Kendall J - we're off to Chanel Salzburg in the morning..

Damn it, Rhi-Rhi has annoyingly stolen the show from me by wearing a tux and nothing else. Still Harry Styles just said I looked great so I'm winning.

I’m feeling rather odd tonight as only half of me actually made it to the awards. My bottom half was all geared up for a night out, but has been left hanging in the dark at home. Weird...

Oh hai there, nice to meet you - I'm Emilio Pucci, the jumpsuit. Please don't take me to the loo - I'm very tricky in small spaces. Plus that trouble maker Cara had her grubby paws all over me all night. Love her.

Hi, I'm from Topshop and I'm feeling a bit nervous as the token high street addition to the evening. But I'm totally holding my own among a sea of designer dresses, right? RIGHT? The good news is I'm totally affordable - please buy me for your xmas party.

‘I’m bringing sexy back’. Yep, that’s me - boob tubes and leather bands all made lovingly by Julien Macdonald. Got to be honest though I feel like I’ve been rather outshone by a bit of Lycra shaped like a stocking. The shame of it.

I've pretty much checked out already - when you're on one of the most beautiful women in the world, there's not a lot more you can do to make her look amazing. I know she’s got a big day tomorrow with the VS show, but it’s not like she needs beauty sleep so I'm going to try and talk her into a late one.

I keep getting told I'm going to go viral tonight as I'm being worn by fashion's biggest blogger. Is that the same as catching a cold? I'm also Meadham Kirchhoff and bright and shiny and layered a bit like a parachute.

There's some nasty rumours that my wearer has a mean side but I've not seen it. She got her phone out to call us an Uber earlier and everyone in the room winced. Weird. Tonight she's been lovely and all smiles. We've been up on stage with Rita, air kissing with Miss Moss - all and all been awesome!