Just in case Facebook didn’t already have it's claws far enough into every fibre of your social life, it’s set to get a whole lot more involved by giving Drunk You advice.
Yann LeCun, who heads up Facebook’s ‘Articifcal Intelligence Research Lab’ (oh to be a fly on THAT wall) has told Wired magazine that the company is working to create an ‘assistant’ that’ll ‘recognise when you’re uploading an embarrassingly candid photo of your late night antics’. Essentially, Yann says, this new tool will ‘tap you on the shoulder and say: “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?’”
Now, as we sit here totally sober, we wholly appreciate how useful this concept is. From writing messages to our exes and posting that oh-so-hilarious picture of that time you tried to act out All That Jazz from Chicago naked, posting things drunk to Facebook for all and sundry to see is a very real problem.
The only thing is though, Facebook don't seem to have factored in how Drunk You is going to take this new 'friendly' advice system. Although she’s every bit as charming as Normal You (maybe), Drunk You is essentially, a big fat wanker out to sabotage every area of your life and being told what to do doesn't tend to go down well with her. Here’s how Drunk You is going to react to this new addition.
1. You'll learn to hate Facebook
In the same way your Dad’s SatNav has become a passive aggressive bitch in your mind (‘Please make a U-Turn’, how about YOU take a U-Turn you self-righteous cow, right into oncoming traffic. YEAH) a Facebook ‘Chaperone’ trying to tell you what not to do is almost certainly not going to be on your Christmas Card list.
2. You’ll go right ahead and do it anyways
If only your sober self could assume the same solid commitment to your convictions that Drunk You does. Stubborn to the very end, Drunk You is SO against the system that literally any rules are up for being broken. Whether it’s stealing traffic cones, snogging your mate’s ex, licking your colleagues’ face… Drunk You has a passion for flouting social acceptability and no patronising tech product is going to get in the way of your (admittedly terrible) decisions. Yeah, fight the system and post that picture man.
3. You’ll only have yourself to blame the next day
Congratulations Drunk You, not only have you succeeded in building up an irrational hate for Facebook, you've also allowed us to post a video of us slut-dropping in the middle of Leicester Square to Shake It Off to all of our social media platforms and the sad thing is, we've only got ourselves to blame.
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
Usher Charges His Phone In A Woman's Vagina, Just Another Day At Art Basel
Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.