Last year I survived my First Sober Christmas. And I say ‘survived’, because, despite knowing that my decision to stop drinking in spring 2013 was the right one, not drinking at Christmas when you’re used to drinking at Christmas is an actual feat.
Being sober means you’re forced to confront reality all the time. But at Christmas, it means that after you confront it, you have to put up with and converse with it and then roll your eyes lovingly as its drunk self gives you one too many hugs and insists that you ‘should really hang out more’. Then, after you bid it adieu and put it to bed, you do it again, every night, until Christmas Day, when you are too tired from turkey to want anything other than black coffee or more turkey.
So no, it isn’t easy. But staying sober at Christmas also doesn’t have to be the worst. That’s why I have five survival tactics that ensure you, newly sober person, will not only be able to socialise like an actual living, breathing fun person, your encounters with reality will be better than when a guy I barely knew announced to a full kitchen that I was ‘sober now’ to my actual horror. So write a carol about that, Santa. So this is Christmas…
1. Make sure you’ve got allies
Christmas isn’t just about seeing acquaintances, it’s about running into those acquaintances and being forced to interact with them whether you like it or not and also usually near a Christmas tree. Thus, surround yourself with pals who wil get equally annoyed by that-dude-you-know-from-that-place who keeps asking why you’re not drinking. I’ll be honest: only an idiot asks why someone isn’t drinking. (Seriously, everyone: if somebody isn’t pregnant, why do you think?) And while you’ll be able to answer or deflect the question the first couple of times, it still helps to have a pal nearby to convene and split the shrimp ring with while making jokes about that thing that just happened.
2. Cut out anyone who doesn’t get it
Now, I will say this: if there’s someone hell bent on challenging you or anybody who doesn’t drink, that’s their issue and nobody else’s. I stopped drinking because I am addicted to alcohol. I don’t mind talking about that, but I do mind being asked to defend my choice by a total stranger who feels weird around sober people. There’s also a difference between curiosity and disrespect: recently, a server asked me when I knew I had to quit. That’s cool! I told him. Not cool: some guy held a glass of beer to my mouth over the summer and tried to get me to drink it. And since Christmas calls for a gathering of people you might not be totally familiar with, it’s a good gauge for the people you want to keep around post-December, especially if they lack common sense. No thanks! Happy Christmas!
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3. Remember: you can leave any party at any time
MTV True Life: this mantra is a lifesaver. The thing I like best about being an adult is that any time, you can leave a place because you’ve decided that’s what you’re going to do. (God, I love leaving! Let’s all leave wherever we are right now. Isn’t it great?) And what’s even better, this rule especially applies if you’re not drinking. For me, as soon as everyone starts to surpass ‘fun drunk’ and movie into ‘they are telling you way too much about themselves’, ‘they are 100% ready to fight somebody’, and/or ‘you have no idea what they’re actually saying’, it’s time to vamoose. Not only that, fellow FOMO-sufferers, you get to leave knowing you are missing nothing; that nobody is going to remember anything they said to you. Bless. Also, you will avoid throwing up, so there’s also that.
4. Bring your own drinks, snacks, and don’t make it a thing
I say this, because for the first couple of months of not drinking and especially during the holidays, I embarrassingly wanted everyone to say, ‘Not drinking? You’re amazing!’ And then I could say, ‘I know – it’s true.’ And then they would offer me the contents of their fridge and maybe also money. Unfortunately, this never happened. Why? Because, aside from the handful of people who don’t understand how sobriety works, everyone else understands that you’re an adult who made an adult decision. In short: most people don’t care. And why should they? Ideally, your choice to drink or not drink has no impact on them. Their choice to drink or not drink has no impact on you. You drinking Coke instead of vodka is your call. ** **
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5. Admit, for one second that, yes, being sober at Christmas kind of sucks – but then get over it, for the love of all that is good move on
‘I don’t miss it at all!’ is a lie I told myself a lot when I quit drinking. Of course I miss drinking. I didn’t quit drinking because I didn’t enjoy drinking. So with this honesty in mind, let’s be honest all over again: yes, it sucks not drinking at Christmas. Of course you want to drink. Of course my first mulled wine-less holiday wasn’t easy. Of course I want that stupid candy cane-flavored martini that actually tastes a bit disgusting. Most of the time, being sober is great. Other times, it’s really difficult, and the holidays are one of those times. We can admit that.
But alternately: so what? Admit it and move on. Because I will say this: not drinking is a hell of a lot harder when you spend it pining for what you don’t have. So yes, you will survive this first sober Christmas, and then you’ll survive your next. And more specifically, it’s Christmas: and just because it’s hard, doesn’t mean it won’t be fun.
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Picture: Beth Hoeckel
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.