Hands up if you were the nerd that spent your weekends reading books instead of playing with your friends when you were a kid. Which is weird, because now you struggle to even read the title of a book without giving up for an episode of The Good Wife and a long old nap. Thanks internet!
But with the news that Sam Mendes is directing a big screen adaption of The Magic Faraway Tree (about time too it’s only 69 years old), we started reminiscing about what it was like to choose to be a bookworm; the whole going to bed early to read, staying up under the covers with a torch and ignoring all the scenery on your family holidays just to find out what hilarious hijinks the Famous Five had got up to this time.
Here’s the Enid Blyton books you need to revisit to reclaim your book wormus excellence…
How boarding school was MEANT to be, (take note St. Trinians). Every September Darrell and Sally and all their school chums would bundle into their daddies’ cars and trundle down to the Cornish seaside for another spiffing year at Malory Towers. When the girls weren’t saying hateful things to each other (which was often, ‘You’re perfectly beastly!’), they were orchestrating midnight feasts, putting on pantomimes, playing lacrosse and generally having a jolly good time. Boarding schools today aren’t quite like this, and focus less on the camaraderie between girls and growning up and more on getting battered and seducing the local boys. Sorry mum.
The most notorious of all of Blyton’s creations, Julian, Dick (snigger), Anne, George and Timmy the dog were the super sleuthing team of cousins who ‘accidentally’ fell in with all number of terrible human beings, from smugglers to Romany gypsies (get ready for some spectacular racism that’s absolutely not acceptable in 2014, or ever) and foiled all of their evil plans. Our favourite parts were the packed lunches they’d take on their trips: bottled ginger beer, potted tongue, cold ham and boiled eggs were the perfect staples for a jolly good spread. Plus, there was always a friendly farmer’s wife on hand to feed the gang with a crusty loaf and a hunk of cheese.
Like the Famous Five, but less, erm, good. This gang of super sleuthers stayed closer to home and solved mysteries of a less perilous nature (like a disappearing dog and a messed-up garden) the gang met in a shed at the bottom of Peter’s garden, had secret passwords and badges that said ‘SS’ on them. Like the Nazis, only not.
By and large the most enjoyable series of Blyton’s books due to them being about the most batshit school you ever did hear of. Instead of teachers the KIDS ran the school and held weekly meetings in which they punished the other pupils by fining them money. Oddly, there didn’t seem to be a power mad one amongst them and things trotted along most merrily. Which seems suspicious, if we’re perfectly honest.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.