They’re bossy, they swear a helluva lot and they have no qualms about shouting at you to 'eat a goddamn salad"'once in a while. Here, veggie foulmouthed food bloggers, Michelle Davis and Matt Holloway, give us two muthafucking delicious recipes. One will change afternoon tea for you forever and the other involves simmering taco-filling in beer. Thumbs up emoji x2.
Blueberry walnut lavender scones
Thug Kitchen say: Scones are the bastard blend of a biscuit and muffin. They sound so wrong but taste so right.
Makes about 12 scones. Best served the day they are made.
Ingredients
23/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
3 tablespoons white sugar, plus more for sprinkling
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup refined coconut oil
2 teaspoons dried lavender*
11/4 cups plain almond milk, plus more for brushing
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Crank your oven to 425F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or foil.
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, sugars, and salt. Cut the oil into the flour using your hands until it all looks kind of grainy and there are no large chunks left. Stir in the motherfucking lavender.
Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and pour in the almond milk and vanilla. Mix it together until it is almost all the way combined but stop short. Fold in the berries and walnuts but be careful not to overmix.
Scoop out the dough in 1/2-cup measurements and plop onto the baking sheet. Brush with almond milk and sprinkle with white sugar. Bake until they look a little golden around on the bottom, 12 to 15 minutes.
READ MORE: The Lunch You Can Make To Eat All Week When All Your Pots And Pans Are Dirty
Roasted beer and lime cauliflower tacos with cilantro coleslaw
Thug Kitchen say: Grab beer and get to work. Just don't get sloppy 'til you're done cooking.
*Makes about 6 tacos *
Ingredients
1 head cauliflower (about 1 pound)
3/4 cup beer*
1/4 cup vegetable broth
1 tablespoon lime juice
11/2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari
11/2 tablespoons of your go-to chipotle hot sauce
1 to 2 cloves garlic, sliced
11/2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
Pinch of salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 yellow onion, chopped
6 corn tortillas
1 avocado, sliced
Crank your oven to 400F. Grab a rimmed baking sheet.
Chop the cauliflower into small florets no bigger than a quarter. In a saucepan, warm the beer, broth, lime juice, tamari, hot sauce, and garlic over medium heat. Add the cauliflower and simmer for about 11/2 minutes. Drain.
Toss the spices, salt, and olive oil together in a large bowl. Add the cauliflower and onion and stir 'til those fuckers are coated. Dump it on the baking sheet and bake until browned, stirring halfway, about 20 minutes.
To make the tacos, warm the tortillas in the oven or microwave for a hot minute and then pile them high with the cauliflower filling, slices of avocado, some of the slaw, and top with plenty of salsa.
Quick lime and cilantro coleslaw
Thug Kitchen say: This fucker is great in any taco, any time. Memorize this shit because you won't be going back to empty tacos again.
Ingredients
1/2 head of green cabbage (about 1/2 pound)
1 small carrot
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup chopped cilantro
Cut the cabbage into the thinnest strips you can and make sure those pieces are no longer than 2 inches. This is a great time to get good with your knife if you are looking for a silver fucking lining in all that chopping. Chop the carrot into thin matchsticks of the same length. Got that shit down now, right? In a small glass, mix together the lime juice, vinegar, oil, and salt. Add the dressing right before you are going to eat and toss that shit well. Add the cilantro and serve.
Thug Kitchen is out now (Sphere, £14.99) thugkitchen.com
Like this? Then you might also be interested in:
So, It Turns Out Reheated Pasta Is Actually Really Healthy - Leftovers #FTW
The Vegan Fry Up That'll Ward Off Your Hangover Just As Well As Bacon
Follow Delphine on Twitter @DelphineChui
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.