Ah the first day of a new school year; the endless possibilities, the fresh smell of a new A4 notepad, the unopened fountain pen cartridges before they leaked on to your also brand-new white shirt.
Even though we haven't been at school for more years than we care to discuss with you here, there's still something about this time of year which makes us feel excited and/or nervous about the prospect of new things. Even though the only 'new' thing we've currently got in our lives is the massive water bill we've got from not getting that leak sorted earlier. Sigh, school was a simpler time. Here's a few things we're gutted we're never going to experience again.
The new clothes
Was there anything better than your annual trip to John Lewis with your mum before heading back to the school? Those were in the days you could legitimately say you needed new clothes – thanks to the fact that you had grown about seven inches in the space of six weeks over the summer. That school year you finally got a pair of heeled Kickers was probably the highlight of your life thus far and only slightly marred by the fact that your mum put her foot down when it came to getting trousers instead of a skirt and a shirt and tie rather than a polo shirt. Oh well, you win some you lose some.
READ MORE: The Grown-Up Stationery To Stop You Feeling Left Out This Back-To-School Season
The makeover
For whatever reason, pre-grown-up life, six weeks off in the summer was nothing short of a lifetime. Which meant you had ample time to take stock, step back and reinvent yourself into the sort of gal that’s got the entire Year Eight class salivating at your feet. Cut to the night before school started and you giving yourself an ill-advised at-home chop based on Rachel Leigh Cook in She's All That. The shouts of ‘Hey Ben from A1 wants his haircut back!’ Still haunt you to this very day.
The new kids
Especially poignant if you went to a small school where you already knew everyone. The endless possibilities this new classmate might bring were two fold –either they were going to be a hot boy you could snog, or a cool girl who would transport you from the total loser end of the popularity spectrum to top of the pops by the sheer capabilities of having Really Nice Hair. The reality that your new classmate turned out to be a quiet mousy boy from Devon pretty much punctured these summer-long fantasies served as something of a rather damning thorn in the side of Day One.
The new attitude
Last year things got a bit messy and confusing academically. You didn’t do your maths homework for the last few weeks of term because it didn't really make sense if you’re honest you never really managed to get your head around the Pythagorean Theorem. Luckily this year is a brand-new start and with new classes and a ‘can-do’ attitude there’s no chance you’ll be anything except a model student. Until your maths teacher announces a problem to be solved using the Pythagorean Theorum. Goddammit Pythagoras, who died and made you king of the world? Asshole.
The new stationery
Sleek, chic and distinctly undoodled upon, whether you went with the folder that depicted the cast of Friends sat in the fountain or Hello Kitty looking coquettishly out at you from her throne of lies, the smell of paper was fresh, the ink from your pens unsmudged and your Mum's WHSmith's bill wavering somewhere around the £50 mark. Nothing feels as good as a fresh start tastes. Fuck it, you might even fill your homework diary in this year.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.