A Few Reasons Why We’re Not Convinced That Cyclists Have A Better Sex Life

Lycra and hot loving, a match made in heaven?

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by Jess Commons |
Published on

According to a new study out today, 66% of cyclists feel like their relationships have improved since they swapped their commute from a stuffy old train to a bicycle with a whopping 39% of them claiming that it’s given them extra energy in the bedroom. While we're totally on board with the cycling revolution (I mean, we're all for it in the sense that we don't have to do it ourselves; clumsier than a drunk three-legged baby giraffe we are, probably last all about five minutes down Shaftesbury Avenue before falling down in a hilariously undramatic way), we're not entirely convinced that it's the answer to all your realtionship issues. Here's why.

Bike Overload Anger

All these cyclists chaps and chapettes must have rather forgiving other halves at home. Living in a house roughly the size of the rodent enclosure at London Zoo means that every tiny last bit of space must be used to the best of it’s pitiful abilities. You know the drill – doubling up on coat hooks, books stacked two thick… So forgive us if sharing a miniscule hallway with two honking great bikes (road and racing) doesn’t exactly make us feel like stripping down to our knickers in a fit of passion. Instead, we feel more like taking a hacksaw to the bikes’ space hogging frames. Anyone got a hacksaw? We threw ours out to save space.

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That Lycra Tho

For sure, men in lycra can totally be covetable. Once you get past the fact that they’re basically wearing boy versions of Bridget Jones pants there’s something to be said about body skimming black shorts that highlight muscles in all the right places. Oof. Yeah. What troubles us though is the over abundance of drying and damp lycra clothing hanging from every curtain rail, bed post and cupboard door all around his room. Because if that smell of two days in the washing machine smell doesn’t get you going, we don’t know what will.

The De-Stress Thing

According to the study, 89% of respondents said that cycling home allows them to switch off from the work day and find themselves in a good mood for their partner. While that might be true for some people, it hasn't worked for us thus far. Cycling in city centres is basically like the first time you went on The Nemesis at Alton Towers but with the very real possibility that you might actually die. After an experience like that the last thing we're after is a good seeing to the moment we step in the door. Instead, a nice cup of tea and an awkward hug whilst we rock back and forth in the foetal position will do just fine thank you very much.

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Extra Energy Isn’t Always What You Want

While we’re totally pumped you’re home from work after your cycle bouncing around the place with all the energy of a Duracell Bunny with an erection, we’re quite frankly, pooped. So while you might be game to watch all of that film that started at 11:25 and then STILL go in for an all out bonkfest, we'd rather get an early night and save the bonking for a more sensible time, like the weekend.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

How To Ward Off The Dreaded Knicker-Flash. And Other Girl-Friendly Cycle Hacks

Scared of Cycling Shorts? Ease Yourself In With Alex Wang's Knitted Ones

Cycling Home Shitfaced Isn’t Clever. So Why Are We Doing It Anyway?

Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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